Writing is exhausting. I don't know if it is for anyone else, but for me, it takes a lot out of me. My book that I began over three years ago has suddenly turned into a trilogy. It was definitely unexpected. As my story progressed, I realized that several things needed to happen. The first two books were easily written, but book 3 has been my greatest challenge. As my characters have faced difficulties, I, too, struggled. It's hard writing about things I just want to hurry up and be done with. It's hard hashing out the difficult times, knowing that better things are ahead.
I got stuck in denial for several months, not wanting to even touch my book, because I couldn't bear the thought of my characters interacting. I hated them. I hated who they had become, and what was to come. But...I had committed to going to a writer's retreat with some friends for several days of just. writing. in. complete. silence. So, I needed to pick up my book again, and face the music, however ugly it might be.
It was difficult, because every paragraph was painful to write. Every hour I sat in my hotel room, tearing at my brain while developing my story, was agony. Finally, on the last day, my story started flowing, and my fingers flew across my keyboard. But I must have been in some sort of trance, because when I finally opened up my book to write some more last week, I didn't recognize it. Any of it.
"What the heck?!" I asked as I read the last paragraph. I had absolutely no clue what was going on. I read the previous page, and was still lost. Where on earth had my characters gone, and what did they think they were doing? I had to go back a couple of chapters before I remembered what had caused this strange chain of events. I couldn't believe how completely different my book had suddenly become without me even knowing it! I was so certain my book was still in that horrible stuck place from before my retreat, that it was a surprise to see that it had progressed without my knowledge.
Unfortunately, I am once again stuck. I know a simple freewrite will free me from the dilemma I am now facing, but it seems like too much work. There's so much planning, so many more problems my characters need to face and overcome, that I don't wanna do it. I just might be the laziest writer out there. Or maybe, my life just isn't in the right place to dedicate my time to writing. It almost seems like a waste, though, to give up when I'm so close to being done. I need to find the motivation to pick up where I left off, and finish off my book!