Oct 25, 2017

Kings Say the Darndest Things 2012

This quote book is from 2012, when Jacob was 5, Gabriel was 4, Jarod was 2, and Caleb was a baby.

Just to Clarify…

Jacob (waking up from a nap in the car and stretching):  “I’m not tired!  I didn’t fall asleep…I’ve been awake forever.”

Gabriel:  “Can I have one [another cookie]?”
Daddy:  “Yes.”
Gabriel:  “So can I?”
Daddy:  “What does yes mean?”
Gabriel:  “Yes!...So, can I?”

Jacob:  “How is Mommy going to get the baby home?  Is she going to put him in the trunk?”

Jacob (sickly):  “Ugh, Mom, you shouldn’t have given me so much [cake and ice cream].  I’m not sick, but it made me have some broken bones.”

Gabriel (pointing through blinds at night):  “See that black?  That black is Earth.  So don’t call Earth dark.”

Kim:  “I love how you love that…Do you love that?”

Mommy:  “Gabe, in about 3 hours, I’m taking you to the doctor.”
Jacob:  “And we’re going to the dentist, too?”

Jacob:  “Don’t call me Babe.  That’s a girl thingie.”

Gabriel:  “I love this house, I love eating…and I love eggs.”

Mommy:  “You’re such a super big helper!”
Gabriel:  “Super little helper!”

Gabriel:  “Thirteen, sixteen, eleventeen, on your mark, get set, go!”

Gabriel said something naughty and Daddy got after him.
Jacob (in a sing-songy voice, imitating what Mom and Dad always say):  “I know where he learned that  from…me!”

Gabriel:  “Mom, can you take a picture?  Because this is how I look being sick.”

Gabriel:  “I’m calling him ‘Jerber Caleb’.”
Mommy:  “What does that mean?”
Gabriel:  “It means I call him that.”

Jacob (at hospital):  “When can we go up the escavator?”
Mommy:  “We usually only go up when Mommy has a baby.”
Jacob:  “Do you want to have another baby so we can go up?”

Mommy:  “An ultrasound takes the baby’s picture.”
Jacob:  “So the doctor says, ‘Smile!’ and when the baby smiles, they take the picture?”

Gabriel (on a windy day while Bro. McGee was mowing):  “The trees are just moving because Mikey’s dad is lawning?”

Gabriel (trick-or-treating, pushing off his dinosaur head hood for little boy handing him candy):  “It’s just a costume!”
Mommy:  “Just in case you were wondering.”

Jacob:  “Boo, Mom!  I said ‘Mom’ so you wouldn’t be scared and know it was me.”

Jacob (watching Bro. Otutahah pushing his granddaughter on swing):  “The human was looking that way…”

Jacob:  “Monsters aren’t people. ..but they’re nouns.”

Jacob:  “Mommy, you said, ‘Jer.’  Is that your English way of saying ‘Jarod’?”

Jacob:  “Here’s Moe, your bear.”
Gabriel:  “He’s not a bear!  It’s Moe!”

Daddy:  “Go get some candy.”
Gabriel:  “No!  I already sneaked candy!”

Jacob:  “Do vampires have blood or brain?”

Jacob:  “I’m riding a motorbike.”
Daddy:  “How can it be a motorbike?  Where’s the motor?”
Jacob:  “I’m the motor!”

Gabriel (pointing at Mommy to Daddy):  “Her’s right there.  That’s my mom.”

Mommy:  “Mosquitoes won’t hurt us.”
Jacob:  “Mosquitoes suck your blood!  You’ll die!!”

Kim (glancing outside at night and hearing wet road):  “Is it raining?”  (getting on computer and seeing “rain” as current weather status)  “It’s raining!!”

Jacob:  “I like Batman because he flies like 3 people (counting on fingers):  Peter Pan, a bird, an airplane, Batman, and…who’s the other one that flies?”
Mommy:  “Superman?”
Jacob:  “Yeah, and Superman!”

Mommy:  “It’s cold outside and I don’t want you to go out barefoot.”
Gabriel:  “It’s not ‘barefoot,’ it’s ‘big bear foot!’”

Mommy:  “What are you drawing, Jacob?”
Jacob:  “This is the girl I married!”

Jacob:  “I’m not handsome, I’m silly!”

Spencer (to Kim):  “You should look at Michael’s, because their shirts are $1.99 right now.”
Jacob:  “Oh, but first we’ll have to ask his mom.”

Jacob (to Mommy squirting mustard on a piece of bread):  “Will you make a butterfly?”
Daddy (looking at Mommy’s design):  “It looks like a blouse!”
Jacob:  “What’s a blouse?”
Mommy (preventing a fit):  “It’s a red butterfly.”

Gabriel (to Mommy about Caleb):  “Look at your baby brother!”
Mommy:  “He’s not my brother—he’s my baby.”
Gabriel:  “No.  He’s your little baby brother.”

Spencer:  “I was born in the wrong time period.  I like being told what to do.  I would’ve made a good servant.”

Mommy (to crying Gabe):  “What happened?”
Gabriel (demonstrating):  “I was in my room and walk, walk, walk, walk, fall down!”

Jacob:  “For Halloween, I want to dress up like a vampire, but I’ll have my trick-or-treat back so people won’t get scared.”

Jacob:  “You’d better come downstairs with a napkin—there’s a flying spider!”
Mom and Dad:  “A flying spider?”
Jacob:  “Yeah!  I looked closely and it’s a spider because it had five legs!”

Jacob (to Mommy, searching online for his school clothes):  “Are you going on Facebook?”
Mommy:  “No.”
Jacob:  “Facebook helps everything!”
Gabriel:  “Is Caleb a good guy?”

Spencer:  “I’m not taking a bath, but I’m taking a bath to warm up.”

Jacob:  “What are they again?  Plumbers or bummers?”

Jacob (at hospital):  “When can we go up the escavator?
Mommy:  “We usually only go up when I have a baby.”
Jacob:  “Do you want to have another baby so we can go up?”

Jacob:  “Are lions cats?”
Mommy:  “Yes.”
Jacob:  Are bunnies cats?”
Mommy:  “No.”
Jacob:  “Are elephants cats?”

Daddy:  “Do you know Jarod’s middle name?”
Jacob:  “Jarod Apple King.”

Gabriel:  “Where are the people who fix the road?  Are they at home?”
Mommy:  “Yeah.”
Gabriel (concerned):  “Do they have homes?”

Gabriel:  “Mom, am I being a kind boy to you?”

Spencer:  “It’s funner this way…and funner is in the dictionary.”

Gabriel (after Jacob gave Mommy a flower for her hair):  “Oh, you’re a girl with that!”

Jacob (as Professor was rubbing up against him):  “Ah!  Now she knows me!  Does she know herself?”

Jacob:  “Did General name Professor, or did you?”
Jacob (to Mommy):  “When I get married, I’m going to marry a girl who’s really, really pretty.  But I don’t know if she’ll be prettier than you.”

Mommy:  “What we have to do is hammer a nail into the coconut’s eye.”
Gabriel:  “Is it alive?”

Jacob:  “Is this a fruit?”
Mommy:  “Yes.”
Jacob:  “What’s it called?”
Mommy:  “It’s a mango.”
Jacob:  “Is it an animal?”

Gabriel:  “Are you sick?”
Mommy:  “No I’m not.”
Gabriel:  “Either me!  I’m not sick!”

Mommy:  “Turn on the light, Gabe.  It’s not science!”

Jacob:  “I love Father’s Day!”
Gabriel:  “Me too, because it’s a boy day, but Mommy’s is a girl day!”

Gabriel (handing Mommy 2 drawings he made for her):  “Put these in your bedroom!  Put them in your dresser…because they are special.”

Mommy (to crying Gabe):  “What’s wrong?  Did you get hurt?”
Gabriel:  “Yes, I did.  I was running and hit my arm right here (pointing to counter).  Huh, huh, huh!” (singing with a deep voice)

Mommy:  “Goodnight, precious.”
Gabriel:  “No, I’m a boy.”

Mommy (on hike):  “Do you smell that?”
Jacob:  “I think it smells like…stuff.”

Mommy:  “I love you, Jarod!”
Jarod (pointing to his eye):  “Eye!”

Jacob:  “When I was a baby, I ate newspaper and I didn’t get sick!”
Mommy:  “And how do you remember that?”
Jacob:  “I’m smart!  For real!”

Gabriel:  “Mom?  Thank you for dinner.”
Mommy:  “You’re welcome.”
Jacob:  “And this is Jacob:  Thank you for dinner.”

Jarod (signing):  “Please!”
Mommy:  “What do you want?”
Jarod nods vigorously with a big smile.

Mommy:  “Look, that’s Winnie the Pooh!”
Jarod (signing potty):  “Poo?”

Gabriel:  “Hey!  ‘Shut up’ and ‘upstairs’ both have ‘up’ in them!”

Jacob (after fly landed on his hand, he
frantically swatted it away):  “Whoa!  Woah!  (Suddenly calming down)  Whoa—that felt comfortable.”

Gabriel (about writing his name):  “It just grows and grows and grows and…boom!  It gets big.”

Gabriel (bringing in the newspaper):  “We got news!!”

Jacob:  “Guys?  I know something.  Fireworks are fire.  They’re not even workers.”

Mommy:  “Do you want to watch Inspector Gadget?”
Jarod (singing Gadget theme song):  “Go, zeh-zeh, go!”

Gabriel:  “It’s the truth, because I’m the truth boy.”

Gabriel:  “Is today lunch day?”
Jacob (watching “Little Mermaid”):  “Would [Prince Eric] kill [the Little Mermaid]?
Mommy (tired and annoyed):  “Maybe.”
Jacob:  “But because she’s pretty, he wouldn’t?”

Daddy:  “Are you going to get Jacob?”
Jarod:  “No!”
Daddy:  “Is that the only word you know?”
Jarod:  “No!  (after a moment)...Hi!” 

Jacob:  “Am I the awesomest kid that knows everything?”

Daddy:  “Poor Jarod.  He looks dead.”
Gabriel:  “No, Daddy, dead people have their eyes shut.”
Daddy:  “I meant he looks tired.”

Jacob (through bathroom door):  “Mommy, what are you doing?  Daddy wants to know.”
Mommy:  “Go tell Daddy to find some horses he can hold.”
Jacob:  “Mommy says ‘find some horses to hold’…Why would she say that?  Maybe she wants some horsies.”

Gospel Insights

Mommy: “When we make a bad choice and we feel sick in our tummy, what do we do?”
Jacob:  “We throw up.”

Jacob (praying):  “Please help us not listen to Satan.  Please help Satan to start doing good.”

Jacob (explaining to Gabriel):  “When you’re fighting with Mommy, you’re listening to the bad guy—you’re listening to Satan.  You’re too little to be smart.  You’re not smart yet.”
Jacob:  “If Jesus comes down and He shines in our eyes, then He makes us shiny!”

Gabriel (kneeling down praying): “…in the name of Jesus Christ A—(jumping up) Hey!  ‘A’ matches ‘A, B, C, D, E, F, G!’  Amen! (kneeling back down and folding arms reverently)…Amen.

Mommy:  “What does the Prophet tell us to do?”
Jacob:  “To be good…and listen to Mommy and Daddy.”
Mommy:  “What does he tell us to read?”
Jacob:  “The scriptures!”
Mommy:  “And where do we go on Sunday?”
Gabriel:  “We go home!”

Jacob:  “Are you going to read that [scripture picture] or is Daddy?”
Mommy:  “I am.”
Jacob:  “You actually know how to read?”

Mommy:  “If Heavenly Father asks you to go on a mission, will he help you?”
Jacob:  “Yes.  Oh, I forgot!  He doesn’t need to help me.  I have my CTR ring.”

Jacob (angrily to Gabe):  “Don’t make fun of God’s scriptures!”

Mommy:  “Do you hear the birds singing?”
Jacob:  “I Am a Child of God?”

Mommy:  “How do we get to heaven?”
Jacob and Gabe together:  “We die!”
Kim:  “Who is telling us what to do?”
Spencer:  “Normally Jesus, because when it’s God the Father, he is saying, ‘This is my beloved son, hear him.” (gesturing with arm)
Jacob (seeing Daddy gesture towards him):  “Me???”

Jacob (reading scriptures):  “Mommy, I need to pause.  I need to go to the bathroom.”
Jacob  (walking through Walmart parking lot):  “Are those cracks from an earthquake when Jesus was alive?”

Mommy:  “How do we follow Jesus?”
Gabriel:  “We walk!”

Gabriel:  “The other day, I was being naughty, so Satan earned one treasure.  But now, we’re earning all the treasure!”

Jacob explained that he experienced the First Vision, but when Gabe came out, “Jesus jumped back in the sun and made it go back up.”

Mommy:  “This is the Book of Jacob.  He was a prophet.”
Jacob:  “That’s my name!  That means Heavenly Father chose me to be a prophet?  I want to teach!  I changed my mind about being a pirate—but I’ll still have some pirate stuff.

Jacob:  “I know that Heavenly Father made the earth.  If workers made it, they would have builded it with bricks, and it would have all falled apart.”

Mommy:  “Do you know what Jesus’ greatest gift to us was?”
Jacob:  “Me!!”

Mommy (helping Jarod with a blessing):  “Heavenly”
Jarod (indistinctly):  “Heavenly”
Mommy:  “Father”
Jarod (indistinctly):  “Father”
Mommy:  “Thank thee”
Jarod (indistinctly):  “Thank thee”
Mommy:  “For this”
Jarod (indistinctly):  “For this”
Mommy:  “Food”
Jarod:  “Poo.”

Potty Humor

Gabriel:  “Was that kind of me to pee in the potty?”

Gabriel:  “I love my birthday!  I love my cake!  This is my favorite cake…here, Mom, you can have the rest.” (pushing his cake towards Mommy)

Gabriel (after peeing in a public restroom, still inside the stall):  “Ta-dah!”

Gabriel (talking from inside the bathroom):  “That’s making me happy!”
Mommy:  “What is?”
Gabriel:  “Pee!  Come in here and look!”

Jacob:  “I have to go potty, but I can hold my gum in my mouth real tight.”

Gabriel:  “Did Caleb go pee-pee?”
Mommy:  “Yes.”
Gabriel:  “Ooh!  That’s so cute!”

Jacob:  “Mom, you have to wash the picnic table.  The ants crawl on it and go pee-pee.”

Gabriel (showing me inside his potty):  “Look, Mom!  The poo is bloke [broken].  A poo knife came and cut it!”

Daddy:  “I’m going to go potty, now, and then I’m –“
Gabriel (cheerfully):  “No, no, no!  First you have to do my belt!”

Mommy:  “Go potty, Gabe.”
Gabriel:  “I tried.”…(later)  “Oh, I figured it out!  Now I have to go potty.”

Mommy:  “Flush the potty.”
Gabriel:  “After I pull up my pants.  If I don’t watch the poo go down, I’ll be upset!”

Gabriel:  “Mommy!  Look at my poo!  Huh huh huh!” (in deep sing-songy voice)

Mommy:  “Gabe, do you have to go potty?”
Gabriel:  “No, I’m not walking in a circle.”

Mommy (after Gabriel tooted, shifted uncomfortably, then stood up):  “What’s the matter?  Do you need to go potty?”
Gabriel:  “No.  A yucky smell just came out of you!”

Gabriel:  “My poo is the potty’s food.”
Daddy (to Jarod with a stinky dirty diaper):  “You stink like a rhino!”

Mommy:  “Are you still wearing Pull-ups?”
Gabriel (poking his Pull-ups):  “Did you hear the Pull-ups noise?”

The Human Body Mystery

Jacob:  “Remember when I fell down and my strong went out of me?”

Jacob (pointing to triceps):  “Do you see my no muscles?  My muscles runned out.”

Mommy (with Gabe’s hand on her pregnant belly):  “Look, he kicked your hand!”
Gabriel (pulling hand away and looking at it):  “Look what he did!”

Jarod burped a really foul-smelling one.  After a few seconds, he said, “Ssssss!” while waving his hand in front of his nose (meaning “stinky”).

Jacob (hearing distant music):  “Was that your tummy Mommy?  (To Daddy):  I thought her tummy was making music.”

Kim:  “Oh, good.  Caleb’s eyes are awake.”

Jacob:  “My mind kept talking to me.”

Mommy (to Jacob):  “Ah ha!  I heard the frog in your throat!”
Jacob (laughing):  “Was that silly it was a woman’s voice?”

Spencer (with bad gas):  “I tooted!  I tooted again!  Good, that puts me two toots closer to being done.”

Jacob:  “When [Jarod] laughs, he sounds like a human!”

Jacob:  “When Caleb’s eating [nursing], can you breathe?”

Gabriel (whining):  “My hands are dirty.”
Mommy:  “So how do you fix that?”
Gabriel:  “I don’t know.  I don’t know how to think.”

Gabriel:  “My head is glued on!”

Gabriel (pointing to Mommy’s tummy):  “Is that where the milk is?”

Jacob (to Daddy):  “When you blowed your nose, it sounded like when the cars say honk honk!”

Mommy:  “Do you have to blow your nose?”
Jacob:  “No…but now I do.”

Daddy:  “Watch out.  I have to change Caleb’s diaper again.”
Gabriel:  “Because his milk turned to poo?”

Jacob:  “I wanted to eat some, but my bell started ringing and said ‘I’m full’.”

Jacob (in bathtub and sees water in his belly button):  “Mommy, my belly button’s drinking!”

Jacob:  “My mind got unplugged.”

Gabriel:  “Mommy, do we have circle heads?”

Spencer (to Kim):  “You reached your prime.  Now, instead of ripening, you’re rotting.”

Jacob:  “When my imagination goes off, a plug goes off!”

Jacob:  “I bit my tongue, and a tiny little piece almost broke off.”

Spencer:  “My brain just…bluhhhh…flatlined!”

Mommy (deeply exclaiming) :  “Ow!!!”
Daddy:  “I wasn’t expecting that sound.”
Jacob:  “You sounded like a volcano!”

Spencer (with back pain):  “I’m having a backwards heart attack!”

Spencer:  “Jarod’s got supersonic hearing.  I mean, he can hear sugar!”

Jacob:  “If someone punches out your tooth, it turns to gold?”

Mommy:  “What’s that noise?...I thought my ears were whistling.”

Kim:  “He looks like a dork.”
Spencer:  “No he doesn’t…he can grow facial hair!”

Jacob (waiting in van while Mommy went to pick up lamp from stranger’s house):  “Mom, can I go inside with you?  I want to see what color they are!”

Kim:  “I’m allowed to be psychotic.”

Kim:  “Take your hands off my ears; I can’t hear that you can hear me!”
Mommy:  “Give me one good reason why you should watch a movie.”
Jacob (sadly):  “Because it takes out your brain.”

Daddy:  “Jacob has some freckles.”
Jacob:  “Are freckles like polka-dots?”
Mommy:  “Yes.”
Jacob:  “Hey Gabriel, I have polka-dots on my face!”

Spencer:  “Ouch!  Caleb wrinkled my skin!”

Daddy:  “I’m gonna slap that foot out of the way that you’re not listening with.”

Gabriel: “I’ve got a froggie in my throatie.  But I didn’t swallow a frog.”

Gabriel (shivering from bath, pointing to heater):  “I need to dry off my chin.”

Jacob:  “Hey, Mom!  Gabe’s throw up is like a chameleon!  If he drinks mile, it turns white.  If he eats orange peaches, then it turns orange!”

Mommy:  “I’m going to turn off the movie now so you can get some sleep.”
Gabriel:  “I am sleeping!  I just don’t want to do it with my eyes closed!”

Jacob:  “When I get sick, can I drink juice from this bottle?”
Mommy:  “Yes.”
Jacob:  “Will you wash off my good germs from it first?  Because I don’t want to get too many germs from myself.”

Gabriel (sick):  “My throw-up is the pirates’ food.”

Jacob:  “I don’t like drool!”
Mommy:  “It’s okay; it’s just part of Caleb!”
Jacob:  “Is it part of his spirit?”

Spencer:  “My head remembered!”

Mommy:  “Go get P.J. bottoms.”
Gabriel:  “Yuck!  You said ‘bottom’.”

Jacob (looking out window):  “Mikey’s there!”
Mommy:  “No, he’s at school.  Maybe Will’s there.”
Jacob:  “Because Will is one inch long.”

Jacob (noticing Hook is old, but his wig makes him look young):  “Why does he not talk old?”

Gabriel:  “Caleb burped himself!  It’s how I burp myself and how Jacob burps himself!”

Mommy:  “Jacob, can you talk quieter, please?  You’re talking too loud.”
Jacob:  “I like talking loud!”

Gabriel:  “Mommy, snot breaks!”
Mommy:  “What do you mean?”
Gabriel:  “If I touch it or bend it, it breaks!”

Gabriel:  “Was that a whistle?”
Jacob:  “No, that was my air.  But my air was making music!”

Jacob:  “How old is Dad?”
Mommy:  “Twenty-nine.”
Jacob:  “Whoa, that’s old!  Is he dead?”

Jacob:  “First I had a sad mouth, then I had a smile mouth.”

Jacob (with first loose tooth):  “If I lie upside down, maybe the tooth will fall out.”

Jacob:  “Ow!!  Gabe kept his eye on me, and when I wasn’t looking, he fired his head at me and hit me!”

Gabriel:  “There’s a head on my [dinosaur] costume, and a head on me!  But they’re not circle heads…just my head’s a circle head.”

Jacob:  “When I lick my snot, it tastes like Ramen.”

Gabriel:  “Caleb has a chin as me.  And hair!  And eyes!  He can see what I see!”


Jacob:  “Sometimes I give myself ‘five’ on my face!” (slapping his forehead)

Gabriel (brushing hair with Jarod’s baby brush and singing):  “Rock a-bye hair hair in the tree top!”

Jacob (hearing knocking):  “Is Daddy home?”
Mommy:  “No, I think it’s Jarod knocking.”
Jacob:  “I think it’s my face!  I learned it from Daddy, ‘cuz he kept calling my head a face.”

Jacob:  “Give me five!”
Mommy:  “I can’t give you five right now.  I’m holding Caleb.”
Jacob:  “Okay, I’ll just give myself five then!” (slapping his own hand)

Mommy:  “You’re my sweet little 4-year-old.”
Gabriel:  “You’re my sweet little 4-year-old!”

Gabriel:  “Daddy, be prepared to hit yourself in the face!”

Jacob (praying):  “Thank you for my face jokes.”

Gabriel (after Mommy gave him a banana):  “I’m a monkey!  Hoo-hah, hoo-hah!”
Mommy (telling a Laffy Taffy joke):  “Who sleeps with his shoes on?”
Jacob (politely laughing):  “That’s Daddy.”
Mommy:  “No, a horse.”

Jacob (to Mommy):  “I like your jokes.  I have a funnier one:  um…you’re a pillow!”

Mommy:  “Can you be strong and bring the car seat in here?”
Gabriel:  “Your majesty, yes!”

Come Again?

Kim was lying in bed in the dark silence of night.
Spencer:  “Honk!” (sleep talking)

Kim:  “You changed Jarod’s diaper?
Spencer:  “I never do before naps.”
Kim:  “Oh!…Me neither.”

Kim:  “I was accidentally nice to someone!”

Jacob:  “Remember Princess Boots?”
Mommy:  “Do you mean Puss in Boots?”

Kim:  “I need to take the ovens out of the oven.”

Jacob:  “Bleed is my Spanish way of saying, uh…blood.”
Jacob:  “When will it be, like…today?”

Mommy:  “Turn off the water in one minute, okay?”
Jacob:  “Okay.  How many minutes in one minute?”

Jacob:  “We found a worm egg that hatched!”
Daddy:  “Jacob, that’s a bird egg.”
Jacob:  “A bird egg?!?”

Mommy:  “Do you like squash?  I don’t!  I had it once and I loved it!”

Spencer:  “Oh, booyeah!  I slammed myself!”

Jacob (handing Mommy a picture):  “Oh wait!  I forgot to write your hair!”

Mommy:  “Do you want your Lunchables?”
Jacob:  “Just the meat.  I don’t like the cheese—it tastes familiar.”

Mommy:  “Don’t put your finger in General’s ear.  You’ll break something.”
Jacob:  “Okay, but I don’t know how old she is!”

Jacob:  “Can I lawn?”
Mommy:  “Lawn?”
Jacob:  “Yeah!  Is it okay if I lawn the grass?”
Mommy:  “You mean mow?”

Spencer: “ Did someone turn off my computer?”
Kim:  “I don’t know, my mind doesn’t go back to tomorrow.”

Mommy:  “Would you like to get a long sleeve shirt?
Jacob:  “I prepare my pajama shirt.”

Spencer (recovering from surgery):  “I only got nauseated when my wife drived.”
Kim:  “Drove.”
Spencer:  “Droved.”

Spencer:  “Did you get all the shopping done for the weekend?”
Kim:  “Yeah.”
Spencer:  “And all the solid things?”
Kim:  “What do you mean ‘solid things’?”
Spencer:  “Non-food items.”

Gabriel:  “I can do this either, too!”

Spencer:  “Are the strawberries ready?”
Kim:  “Yeah, each of the boys had one.”
Jacob (approaching):  “Who what had?”

Jacob:  “May I have a retencil to finish my taco?” [utensil]

Kim:  “What about that girl in the…store…shore…oh, whatever, I don’t remember!”
Spencer:  “Movie?”
Kim:  “Yeah!”

Jacob:  “I like this picture.”
Mommy:  “Do you know what it is?”
Jacob:  “Uh…I forgot.”
Mommy:  “It’s a Ka…(prompting “Kangaroo”)”
Jacob:  “Ka-saserous?”

Spencer:  “When I was growing up, we hardly ever went to the grocery store.  We grew our own food, and traded eggs for milk.  I miss living like that.”
Kim:  “You know, as much as I’d love that , I think I have it romanticized in my head.  I think it’d be hard for me to live that way.”
Spencer:  “Eggs?”

Mommy (to Caleb):  “Oh, gosh, he’s cute!  You are so lucky I have you!”
Kim:  “I was getting undressed, and the curtains I had just moved came unmoved.”

Spencer:  “There’s only been one time we bought cold chicken that was really good.”
Kim:  “It must have been freshly cold or something.”

Kim:  “Oh brither!”

Daddy:  “Gabriel, why are you drawing on the marker lids?”
Gabriel:  “Nothing.”  

Spencer:  “I had no pants.  I had to wear the pants on the hope chest you didn’t think would fit me.”
Kim:  “I didn’t think?!  I thought you couldn’t wear them!”

Kim:  “Where’s the pond?  Is it still planted?”
Spencer:  “No, it’s in the shed.  I unplanted it.”

Gabriel (to Mommy):  “I love everybody in this house…except I love you.”

Kim (angrily):  “I don’t want to losh watts of waundry!”

Jacob:  “I don’t know how to spell the word in my mouth.”

Kim:  “Talk about overindulgence!”
Spencer:  “No he hasn’t!  He’s eaten really well food, too!”

Mommy:  “No more eggnog.  Just drink your toast.”

Spencer:  “Do you wanna know who you sounded like with that squeak?”
Kim:  “Who?”
Spencer:  “You don’t wanna know!”

Mommy:  “Gabriel, do you want to take these down to your room?”
Gabriel:  “Um…kind of the answer is…uh…no.”

Kim:  “Are your warms roll enough?”

Kim:  “I’m just a muving luther—I mean a muving luther.” (loving mother)

Spencer:  “Don’t take what she says with a grain of butter.”

Spencer:  “Don’t sell your eggs before you—don’t cook your eggs before you get them.”
Kim:  “Don’t you mean ‘don’t count your chickens before they hatch’?”

Mommy (checking on sleeping Jacob):  “Come lie down on your pillow.”
Jacob (talking in his sleep):  “We already done the big A.”

Gabriel:  “Mom, I’m very…what was I saying?”

Jacob:  “I go to school at noon, then come back at dinnertime.  It’s kind of creepy.”
Mommy:  “Creepy?”
Jacob:  “Yeah.  Creepy for you because you’re sad.”

Kim:  “I didn’t change Caleb’s diaper this morning!  Oh, wait.  Yes I did…No!  I don’t think I did!”
Spencer:  “You just said you did!”
Kim:  “I think I was lying to myself.”

Appearances Can Be Deceiving

Spencer (singing):  “Women like my body ‘cuz my body’s made of jelly!”
Kim (interrupting and changing the subject):  “We should get you a pair of pants that fit.”

Jacob (pointing to big puddle):  “Uh-oh!  Hurricane danger!”

Jacob:  “When we walk [in the church’s halls], we tiptoe like Abominable snowmen…or mouses.”

Gabriel (in Spiderman costume):  “Mommy, am I pretty?”

Jarod (throwing):  “Eeeeeeeeeee-yah!”

Jacob:  “Look at General—she has mustaches on her eyes!”
Mommy:  “You mean eyelashes.”

Jacob (frantically yelling as Gabriel goes outside to eat snow):  “Gabeeo, don’t eat all the snow!  Save some for me!”

Jacob (watching softball team warm up):  “The red team isn’t practicing, they are just dancing.”

Spencer:  “Aah-oo-gah!  Aah-oo-gah!”
Kim:  “You can’t say that!  Only cartoon characters say that.”
Spencer:  “You’ve said that I’m a cartoon character.  So I have the right to say it!”
Daddy:  “Gabe, you should probably wash your hands.”
Gabriel:  “Well, I licked them.”

Kim, after nursing Caleb, hands him to Spencer to go to work.
Kim:  “Can you burp him for me?”
Spencer:  “Sure…when did you feed him last?”

Kim:  “This land looks like it came out of a picture.”
Spencer:  “I look like I came out of a picture!”

Spencer:  “I understand girls.  I try not to…but I do.”

Gabriel (coming in after being out for a few minutes):  “I was outside forever!”

Grandpa Frye (to Grandma King, painting):  “Wow, you’re ambitious!”
Jacob:  “No she’s not –she’s Grandma King!”

Jacob (looking out window, waiting for Spillet grandkids to start their Easter egg hunt):  “Where’s all the kids?”
Daddy (sarcastically):  “They’ll be out in five hours.”
Jacob (enthusiastically):  “That’s not long!”

Gabriel (tattling on Jarod who climbed into an electric shopping cart/wheelchair):  “Jarod just climbed into that super-old-man chair!”

Jacob (to Gabriel):  “Aughh!!  You ran over my dead worm!”

Jacob (doing a magic trick to Gabe):  “Look, I disappeared it!  Look for it…no!!  Don’t look behind!”

Jarod saw Daddy’s wallet on the TV tray in front of him.  He made intense eye-contact with Daddy as he  s-l-o-w-l-y  reached for it.  As soon as his hand made contact, he snatched it up and hid it behind his back, covering his crime with a wave and a friendly, “Hi!”

Jacob (as we’re driving across the Utah-Idaho border):  “Whoa, the Idaho roads is soft!”

Kim:  “I need to change out of my shorts.  My legs aren’t allowed to go outside in public by themselves.”

Jacob:  “Diamonds are just like squares, but then you just have to turn your head a little, and you’ll see it’s just like a diamond!”

Mommy:  “Are you guys having fun?”
Jacob (upset):  “We’re not playing!  Dr. Claw tried to take my money, so I had to use my gadgets!”

Gabriel:  “Caleb’s the silliest when he drinks milk from your tummy.”

Gabriel:  “You’re making me sad.”
Mommy:  “No, you’re making you sad.  It’s your choice.”
Gabriel.  “No, it’s your choice.”

Daddy was sitting on the sofa, watching something on the laptop.  Jarod saw his wallet sitting on the TV tray, and approached.  He made intense eye contact with Daddy, and ever…so…slowly…raised his hand towards the wallet.  As soon as his hand touched it, he snatched it and hid it behind his back, while masking his crime with a friendly wave and “Hi!!”

Jacob (to Gabriel, yelling because Jarod was holding vacuum cord when he shouldn’t be):  “Please don’t laugh!   Jarod will think it’s silly!  Make a mad face and he’ll stop!”

Gabriel (middle of the night, right after throwing up):  “Can I watch a movie?”
Jacob:  “Mom, are you and Grandma twins?”

Gabriel:  “Oh, yuck!  You kissed me on my lips!”
Mommy:  “Oh, I’m sorry.  I’ll kiss you on the cheek.  (Kisses then walks away)
Gabriel:  “No!  Now I need to kiss you on the lips.  But don’t kiss me back.”

Jacob (crying):  “My coupon’s missing!”

Jacob (crying):  “I got a sofa hair in my eye!”

Gabriel (after Mommy shooed away a fly from food):  “No, that’s my friend!”

Gabriel:  “Why is Jarod wearing my helmet?  He’s trying to look like me.  That’s not funny.”

Gabriel:  “Mom, Jarod’s pouring water into the [Winnie the Pooh] car!”
Mommy:  “No one’s getting hurt.”
Gabriel:  “My feelings are getting hurt.  He’s trying to sink this place up!”

Mommy (to Gabe, who was tiptoeing through the kitchen late at night after going potty, looking at the countertops):  “What are you looking for, Sweetheart?”
Gabe (whispering):  “Treasure.”

Jacob (seeing Dad ride his scooter):  “Dad, are you old enough to ride my scooter?”

Mommy:  “Why are you crying?”
Gabriel:  “Jacob pointed his sword at me and hurt my feelings!”

Jacob (telling me a story):  “Oh, man, my cowboy village is going to be defeated one day…by a hurricane.”

Mommy:  “Which Sunday shirt do you want—white or blue?”
Gabriel:  “Which one ahs a hole?”
Mommy:  “What do you mean?”
Gabriel:  “The thing that holds candy!”
Mommy:  “Oh, you mean a pocket!”

Mommy:  “Why are you bleeding?”
Gabriel:  “A pirate came into my room when I was asleep and poked me!”

Jacob:  “I’m going to water the cement so it can grow tall.”

Love at Home

Gabriel (to Daddy):  “You make me so snuggly, cozy and warmy!”

Daddy (busily cutting cucumbers, irritated that boys want his help):  “I don’t have 20 legs!”

Gabriel (tightly hugging Jacob then running away):  “I choked you!  Ha!  Ha!”

Mommy:  “We need to change your shirt.  It’s dirty and old.”
Gabriel:  “You’re dirty and old!”
Gabriel (to Mommy nursing Caleb):  “You’re doing a good job, Mommy!”

Gabriel:  “Everyone in this house is a cutie pie.”

Spencer:  “You sound like a black woman…who can’t speak black.”

Gabriel:  “Caleb’s cute because he has a little head.”

Daddy (to kids):  “Stop blah-blah-blahing.”

Gabriel:  “Why are you doing [your hair] behind your head?”
Mommy:  “I’m making a braid.”
Gabriel:  “So you can be beautiful?”

Gabriel:  “Mommy, because you did that [tickled us], we’re so happy family!”

Mommy:  “Do you love your little brothers?”
Gabriel:  “Yes, and I love my big mommy, too.”

Gabriel:  “I’m a good boy and you’re a good Daddy.”
Daddy:  “Thank you!”
Gabriel:  “Thank…you!”

Mommy:  “Good night!”
Gabriel:  “Good night!  And make sure I have good dreams.”

Gabriel:  “Mommy, do you want a blanket?”
Mommy:  “I would love that.”
Gabriel:  “If you want this blanket, you need to share it.”

Jacob (tattling on Gabe to Grandma Frye):  “Grandma, your grandson is causing trouble.”

Mommy (handing Jarod his blanket):  “Here, eat your blanket!”

Gabriel:  “Look at Caleb’s snuggly eyes!”

Jacob (playing with Mommy’s braids with Gabriel):  “Give me Mommy’s hair back!”

Jacob:  “Mom, if you get ate by a whale, I will still love you.”

 Mommy (to Gabe):  “Go outside and play!”
Jacob:  “Please?  I like you!  You’re my brother!”
Gabriel (sadly):  “Jacob…you’re my brother, too.”

Gabriel:  “Jacob, look, there’s your friend General!”

Gabriel (trying to make small talk):  “Mommy, how’s this day going?”

Jacob:  “When’s lunch?”
Mommy:  “In about 45 minutes.”
Jacob:  “Forty-five minutes?  That’s amazing!  You just earned a trophy.”

Jarod loves “Goodnight Moon.”  As I was putting him to bed, he said, while waving, “Nah-nye Kwah-kwee, nah-nye Taa-tuh, nuh-nye tside (Goodnight Christmas tree, goodnight Santa, goodnight outside).”

Gabriel (petting Daddy’s hair):  “Sorry Jacob hurt you.”

Kim (to Spencer):  “I was trying to insult you, and got lost halfway through.”

Gabriel (handing Mommy a flower):  “Here Mom, smell!  I gave you my love!”

Mommy (after Jacob’s haircut):  “You look so handsome!”
Gabriel:  “Jacob, can I look at you?”

Spencer:  “Go ahead and stay at work ‘til 6.  If worse comes to worse, I’ll throw myself in front of a car.
Kim:  “’K.”

Kim:  “Okay, I seriously married a mental case.”
Spencer:  “Well, at least you got married!”

Jarod:  “Hi!”
Daddy:  “Hi!”
Jarod:  “Hi!”
Daddy:  “Hi.”
Jarod:  “Hi!”
Daddy:  “Oh my word—HELLO!”

Mommy:  “Pick up the blanket and put it away!  I don’t want the house to look dirty.
Gabriel:  “I was trying to make the house warm and fuzzy.”

Jarod (tickling Caleb’s face):  “Diggadiggadiggadigga!”

Mommy:  “I don’t want to clean today!  Stop handing me garbage!”

Spencer:  “You’re not my superior.  If anything, you’re my posterior!”

Gabriel was feeding Mommy grapes.
Mommy:  “No thank you.  I’m full.”
Gabriel:  “But Mom, I’m a boy.  Boys are supposed to share!  So please choose one.”

Gabriel:  “Cute littlte Caley!”
Mommy (laughing):  “Did you call him Caley?”
Gabriel:  “No, Daddy calls [Jarod] Blondie, so I call him Caley!”

Gabriel (wearing safety glasses):  “What do I look like, Mom?”
Mommy:  “You look like a nerd!”
Jacob:  “What’s a nerd?”
Mommy:  “A smart person.”
Jacob:  “Do I look like a nerd?”

Mommy (smiling at Caleb, who’s smiling up at her):  “Oh, I love your little smile!”
Caleb (suddenly crying):  “Waaaah!”

Jacob:  “Are you going to decide to grow another baby?  Because I like babies.”

Kim:  “Will you still love me if I go bald?”
Spencer:  “Babe, you’re  not going to go bald…and if you do, I’m sure you’ll find another man who’ll love you.”

Jacob gave Mommy some cotton candy, so Mommy gave him a big chunk of hers.  He felt obligated to share another piece to match the size.  Finally, exasperated, he said, “Mom, please don’t share any more with me!”

After Gabe kissed Mommy goodnight, she wondered why her cheek felt wet.
Gabriel:  “Is it silly when Scooby licks Velma on her face?”
Mommy:  “Yes it is.”
Gabriel:  “That’s why I licked you!”

Kim:  “I wrote how I love when the boys say ‘I love you a hundred million five-teen’ and Emily said she loved me that much, too!”
Spencer:  “Well, hon, I love you real numbers!”

Gabriel:  “Caleb is so silly!  I know he wants to touch me every time!”

Gabriel (consoling crying Caleb):  “It’s okay Baby!  Don’t cry, Baby!”

Jacob (stomping upstairs after fighting with Gabe):  “This is just like the old days!!”

Jacob (to Mommy):  “How did you get to be so smart like me?”

Mommy:  “Gabriel, do what I tell you!”
Gabriel:  “I don’t love you!  And I’m sorry.”

Gabriel (angrily):  “Jacob!  If you do that again, I’ll say ‘Jacob’!”

Jacob:  “Mommy, I love you the world, all of space, and all the other planets!”
Gabriel:  “But that means you’ll love the aliens!”

Gabriel (to Jacob, who’s singing in a shrill voice):  “Stop singing, Jacob!  It sounds terrible!

Jacob (frantically yelling):  “Mom, help me!  Gabeeo’s following me around, whining!”

Gabriel (walking downstairs without looking behind him):  “Jacob!  Stop following me!”
Jarod following behind Gabe, humming.
Gabriel (finally turning around):  “Oh!  You’re not Jacob!”

Jacob:  “Gabe, when I’m at school, are you going to be sad?”
Gabriel:  “No.”
Jacob (to Mom):  “Sheesh!  He’s supposed to be sad!”

Mommy:  “Why are you annoying Gabe when you just said you didn’t want to hear him whine?”
Jacob:  “Annoying:  fun.  Whining:  not fun.”

Gabriel:  “Mommy, I gave your baby brother a kiss.”

Mommy (angry that boys unbuckled themselves before the van stopped):  “I’m going to call the police and have them give you a ticket!”
Jacob (frantically):  “No!  Don’t!”

Mommy (to Jacob, who’s sneaking up behind her):  “Boo!!”
Jacob (jumping then pouting):  “I was supposed to scare you!  This is a bad day for me!”

Daddy:  “Caleb’s going to choke on something.”
Mommy:  “Well, he’s still alive so far.”
Gabriel:  “I’m  still alive!”

Mommy:  “Thanks for helping me with the dishes!”
Jacob:  “Am I the goodest kid ever?”

Gabriel (soon after we arrive at park):  “Where’s Jacob?  I can’t find him.  He doesn’t love me.”

Jacob (to Mommy):  “When I get married, can you babysit my kids?”

Jacob (to Mommy):  “When my girl got the baby born, you could go to the hospital and see the baby.”

Gabriel (coming inside the house, angry):  “Jacob made me earn ‘inside’  because Jacob made me mad!”

Gabriel:  “Mom, you just made me earn a ‘mad’.”

Gabriel:  “I’m smarter than Mom, because her can’t build a tower out of crackers like me.”

Jacob:  “Mom?”
Gabriel:  “Wait, I’m not done talking yet.  Um…I love this day and amen!”

Kim:  “I’m allowed to put in my two cents.”
Spencer:  “Thanks.  That was only worth one cent.”

Jacob (to Daddy in Jarod’s crib):  “You’ll break the bed down to pieces and you’ll have to pay for it, Dad!”

All About Food

Kim:  “I don’t like cherry pie at all…mmmmmmless there’s ice cream on top!”

Gabriel:  “I want something to eat that’s not food.”

Jacob:  “Can I eat?  I’m empty.”
Daddy:  “You already ate!  How can you be hungry?”
Jacob:  “I was full…but it melted when I was in the van.”

Kim:  “Don’t encourage me to be healthy!”

Jacob:  “Mom, can you help me zip my coat, ‘cuz I’ve got super gooey hands.”
Mommy:  “Why are they gooey?”
Jacob:  “Because I was dipping them in Cool Whip and licking them off.”

Spencer:  “Eating peas is hard with hand!”
Kim:  “Hand?”
Spencer:  “Speaking is hard!”
Mommy (to Jacob, who felt sick from too many sugar cookies):  “Was that too much sugar?”
Gabriel:  “I want some sugar!”

Jacob:  “I want hamburgers.  We haven’t had hamburgers for 170 days.  Right?”

Spencer:  “I ate the grapes too fast…they became the grapes of wrath.”

Gabriel (to Jarod, who’s drinking melted ice cream):  “Jarod’s drinking ice cream water.”

Jacob (panicked):  “Mom, there’s a fly on the table!”
Mommy:  “It’ll be okay.”
Jacob:  “Can I feed it a piece of cake?”

Gabriel:  “Mmmmm!  Mommy, I love you!  It’s because you gave me good food!”
Gabriel (putting water into an empty applesauce pouch):  “Look Mommy, I have picnic water!”

Gabriel:  “I’m going to eat this [popcicle] on the grass so it can drip there.”
Jacob (frantically screaming):  “No, you can’t!  We have to keep the grass looking nice!”

Jacob:  “Is meat a kind of animal?
Mommy:  “Mmm-hmm.”
Jacob (staring at meat):  “I’m eating you animal!” (then taking a bite)

Jacob:  “What noise does meat make?” (meaning what animal did it come from)

Jacob:  “Is it okay if I eat the things that fall off the trees?”
Mommy:  “Leaves?”
Jacob (disgusted):  “Leaves have worm eggs!  I mean bark!”

Jacob:  “Can I have something to eat?”
Mommy:  “You can have carrots.”
Jacob:  “Carrots?  Are carrots even food?”

Jacob:  “Do we still have the bread that can hatch?”
Mommy:  “Hatch?”
Jacob:  “Yeah.  The one that opens up.”
Mommy:  “You mean the hamburger bun?”

Jacob:  “Gabe, how many chips do you have left?”
Mommy:  “Don’t worry about it.  I want Gabe to enjoy them.  I don’t want him to hurry up and fast.  That didn’t make sense.”

Mommy:  “Do you want an ice cream cone?”
Jacob:  “Yeah, and I want some ice cream with it, too.”

Mommy:  “I love the white cake, and Daddy loves the chocolate cake.  Which cake do you love?”
Gabriel:  “The one with the red G…and all the other letters.”

Jacob (eating lunch):  “This is good, Mom.  That’s because you’re the best maker!”

Daddy:  “Jacob, you’ve got some food in your hair.”
Jacob:  “What?”
Daddy:  “You’ve got something in your hair.”
Jacob:  “Does it look handsome?”

Mommy (to Gabe, drinking instead of eating):  “Gabe, I  might not should’ve given you that milk.”

Jacob (eating a gross dinner and pretending to like it):  “When I have kids, I’m going to give them this!”

Jarod (left dinner table early and approached Gabe with a sword in fighting position):  “Ah-ha!  Ah-ha!”
Gabriel:  “This isn’t the time for ‘Ah-ha’!”

Jacob:  “Gabe’s apple had a bug spot, but not mine!  Mine is full of…fine!”

Jacob:  “Thanks you for letting me have four appetites.”
Mommy:  “That doesn’t make sense.”
Jacob:  “I mean hamburger, drink, hamburger, drink.”

Gabriel (pointing to Mayonnaise for his hamburger):  “Ew, I don’t want any of that.  It will make it a tuna fish burger.”

Mommy (exasperated at seeing a HUGE pile of cookie crumbs all around Jarod on the sofa):  “Who eats cookies like that?!”
Jarod:  “Me!!”

Mommy:  “Are you having any Ramen?”
Gabriel:  “No, I’m just having frost.”
Mommy:  “Do you mean broth?”

Mommy:  “How many corndogs do you want?”
Gabriel:  “I’m not hungry.”
Mommy:  “But it’s lunch time.”
Gabriel:  “I’m not a guy who eats.”

Gabriel:  “My food has gone downer.”
Jacob:  “Food doesn’t go down after breakfast.  It does down for lunch.  He doesn’t know about bodies.  I do.”

Kids say the darndest things...

Over the years, I've collected quotes from our family that are either cute or just downright hilarous. They've been compiled into a book, titled, "Kings Say the Darndest Things." In this book, Jacob is 4, Gabriel is 3, and Jarod turns 1 later that year.

A compilation of family quotes throughout the year: 2011

Strengthening Family Relationships

“Mommy, when I grow up, I want to marry you!”

“I don’t want a hug or a kiss…you can just kiss my hand.”

Jacob:  “You’re the best!”
Gabriel:  “Yes I am!”

“Mommy, you’re Gabeeoh’s friend.”

“Daddy, I like you!”

“Ohhh!  Look at this sweet card you sent me!  When did you send it?  Oh.  We hadn’t even met yet.”

“I’ll need a unicorn for my girl, and a horse for me.  Then we can stay together.”
--Jacob planning his future

Jacob:  “Who are you going to marry?”
Gabriel:  “Ummm…I’m going to marry Grandpa Frye!”
Jacob:  “You can’t marry Grandpa Frye!  He’s a boy!”
Gabriel:  “Then I no get married!”

“When I get married, I need white clothes and garments.”

Jacob (putting a dandelion on the sofa for Mommy):  “Now keep it there ‘cuz I’m in love with you!”

“So…how’s it doing, Mom?”
--Jacob, trying to make small talk

Mommy:  “Why are you so cute?”
Gabriel:  “I so cute because I love you!”

“I like you guys!”
--Jacob, to Mommy and Daddy

Kimberly:  “I looked a lot cooler in my head.”
Spencer:  “At least you looked cool somewhere.”

“Mommy, I did what you asked!”

“Just give him to me so I can finish feeling bad for myself.”
--Kimberly reaching for crying Jarod

Mommy:  “You’re my special Gabriel.”
Gabriel:  “Ooh!  I’m a beshow Daybeeoh!  I‘m a beshow Daybeeoh!”

“I love Heavenly Father and Jesus.  I want to give them a big hug!”
“Mommy, I love it when you smile at me and say, ‘Of course you can!’  Can you do that again?”

 “Mommy, can you give me a kiss?  It will put love in my heart.”

Mommy:  “You’re a cutie pie!”
Gabriel:  “Yes!”

Gabriel:  “Mommy, say foot.”
Mommy: “Foot.”
Gabriel:  Now say ball.”
Mommy:  “Ball.”
Gabriel:  “Now say football.”
Mommy:  “Football.”
Gabriel:  “Good job, Mommy!”

“He’s cute, he just got the stinky gene!”
--Spencer about Jarod

“I touch your bottom because I like you!”

“Daddy, you can’t come in here!  This is my work!  But Mommy, you can come into my work, because you’re my girl.  I like girls.”

“Jacob, I am really your friend!”
--Gabriel after Jacob got mad at him

Spencer:  “I’m going to give you a nice, BIG surprise.”
Kimberly:  “Cake?”
Spencer (seductively):  “Happy  Birthday.”
Kimberly:  “Ooh!  Cake!”

Just to Clarify…

“I have a frog in my throat.  What kind of frog is it?  A boy?  A girl?”

“See the no hair?  That’s how the other Grandpa is made!”

“I’ve heard I’m really awesome.  Not from you, though.”

Mommy:  “When you take the sacrament, you won’t be sitting with us.  You’ll be sitting in the front of the church.” (explaining the Primary Program)
Jacob:  “Will I be the Prophet?”

“I see kids!  There’s kids and girls.”

“Where’s Grandpa?  I mean Mother?  I mean Daddy?”

“I want to say a word to you!”
“The A says ‘cuh,’ the A says ‘cuh,’ every letter makes a sound, the A says ‘cook’!”
--Gabriel singing

“Ow!  I pulled a tiny hair on my back!  I mean, I don’t have any hair on my back.”

“Did you finish ahh-brushing your teeth?”

“Are you asleep?”
--Kimberly whispering to sleeping Spencer

Mommy:  “Leave the (candy cane) wrapper on. I don’t want you to get all sticky.”
Gabriel:  “That’s okay!  I’ll get all sticky!”

“I’m not a pillow!”
--Jacob, telling Daddy not to lie on him

“I’m an awesome, sexy husband, minus the awesome and sexy.  I’m just a husband.”

“The only thing I need to repent of is my awesomeness!”

“K, Mom.  Here’s the deal…”

“That thing goes through lights like…a thing that goes through lights!”
--Spencer talking about our living room chandelier

“I didn’t make a big mess!”
--Jacob, the one who “didn’t” spill 750 toothpicks all over the floor at 6:30 am

“Mommy, that boy talks English.  Sometimes I talk English, too.”

“If that (bumper) were in my yard, I’d be so mad !  I’d be like, ‘Uh, move it.’”

“You’re not going to throw up, because you’re a big girl?”

“I didn’t shut my eyes, and I’m not thinking!  I didn’t dream it!”
--Jacob (telling us how our car was honking by itself)

Gabriel:  “I need to go to work.”
Jacob:  “I need to go to work, too.”
Gabriel:  “No!  There’s no blue work, no black work.  Only red work.”
Mommy:  “Jacob, don’t suck on your shirt!”
Jacob:  “I didn’t!  I was asleep!  Gabriel came in my room and sucked my shirt.”

“I’m serious. .  .  . Mom, what does serious mean?”

Gabriel (watching me make up his bed):  “Is it made up?”
Mommy:  “Not yet.”
Gabriel:  “Is it made down?”

“I want to see how long is left…  I don’t think that was right.”

Jacob was asking what would happen if he fell off the treadmill and got all bent up.  “How would you blow me back up?...Maybe with hot air.”

“I don’t like dust…and I don’t like cleaning!”

“If there are bad guys in the walls, will Heavenly Father come down and put handcuffs on them and take them to jail?”

Mommy:  “All superheroes have names:  Batman, Superman, Spiderman…”
Jacob:  “Oh, like Batman Spencer King?”
“Look, Mom!  There’s the mailman!  And there’s his car.  Now he’s walking to his car.  Now he’s opening the car door.  Now he’s getting in the car.  Now he’s closing the door.  Now he’s driving away!  See, Mom?”

Jacob:  “Why do we have two boxes [of Scooby Snacks]?”
Mommy:  “Because one is old and one is new.”
Gabriel:  “You’re old?”

“Who made our house?  Is it Jesus or workers?”

“Is the water turning to chicken?”
--Gabriel (seeing chicken frying in oil)

“Are you Mommy, Mom?”

“If I go poo-poo, will Heavenly Father come down and bring me a diaper?”

Mommy:  “You’re silly.”
Jacob:  “I’m not a girl!”

“I’m so sick of being sick, and I’m tired of being tired!”

“When I was born, awesome was created.”

Jacob:  “When are we going to their house?”
Mommy:  “Whose house?”
Jacob:  “Grandma and Grandpa’s.”
Mommy:  “Which one?  Frye or King?”
Jacob:  “You know, the one with the Grandpa!  The one with no hair.”

Gabriel:  “Look, Jacob!  There are stars in the sky!”
Jacob:  “No there isn’t.  Jesus wasn’t born on this night.”

“I just BARELY mopped…two days ago!”

“Gabe, do you have a mystery on your hand?”

Mommy:  “Jarod’s getting so strong!  He’s going to be crawling soon.”
Gabriel:  “Like a spider?”

Jacob: “Gabriel, are you talking to my arm?”
Gabriel:  “No.”
Jacob:  “Are you talking to all of my skin?”

Spencer:  “I’m getting pretty handy with these things [crutches].”
Kimberly:  “What about when you fell down the stairs?”
Spencer:  “I didn’t fall…I glided!”

Spencer:  “I smell something gross, like the cats pooping.”
Kimberly:  “Did you brush your teeth?”

“Do I get to go to bed now?  Oh, GREAT.  I don’t want to go to bed!”

“Can I help?  Or yes?  Or no?  Or yes?  Or no?”

“I’m really satisfied with myself.”
--Jacob (meaning to say disappointed)

Mommy:  “Good night, four-year-old!  I love you.”
Jacob:  “Good night, big girl Mommy!”

“Mommy, for Christmas, I don’t want my two front teeth.  That’s not how it is!”

“Why is she crying?  Is it because she’s a girl?”

In primary, we learned the words “In the lovely garden, the flowers are nodding.”  Aghast, Jacob turned back to me and asked, “The flowers are naughty?!”

Jacob:  “Stupid cat!”
Daddy:  “Don’t say that word.  It’s naughty.”
Jacob:  “Oh, only Mommy can say it?”
“If Professor breaks, can we get a new, cute Professor?”

Mommy:  “Gabe, don’t hit the cat!”
Gabe:  “No, no, no.  I didn’t hit the kitty.  My hand  hit the kitty.”

Mommy:  “The answer is no.”
Gabriel:  “I know the answer is yes!”

Gabriel:  “Can I have fruit snacks?”
Daddy:  “No fruit snacks.”
Gabriel:  “There’s no fruit snacks?  We already eat fruit snacks?”

Mommy:  “Gabe, don’t hit me!”
Gabriel:  “No, no, no!  I’m wearing a costume!

Mommy:  “You’re my special Jacob.”
Jacob:  “Did the other Jacob break?”

Mind Your Manners

Mommy:  “Sweetie, I need to use the potty.”
Jacob:  “Wait a minute.  I need to look at my face first.”

“Gabe-ee-oh!  I smell your peewee!  Put your pants on!  I don’t want to smell you immodest!”

Gabriel:  “Ow!...Ow!...Mom, I said ow!”
Mommy:  “Oh, are you okay?”
Gabriel:  “Yeah.”
“You didn’t catch up with my answers!”

“I’ve been a good boy today.”

“Those are MY crumbs, Gabeeo!”

--Gabriel telling us to be quiet

Daddy:  “You’re polar bear poo-poo!”
Jacob:  “That’s not funny!  Poo-poo is part of bottoms!

Mommy:  “Gabe, will you say, ‘Yes, Mommy’?”
Gabe:  “No!  I won’t say ‘yes, Mommy’.”

“I hope I have good dreams!  Goodnight!”

“Sometimes I lick my snot.”


“You guys can do noogies after dinner.”

Kimberly:  “What was that sound?”
Spencer:  “A yawn gone wrong.”

“Excuse me, may I play?”  (trying to ask if he could be excused from the breakfast table)

“Heh me, heh me, heh me, heh me, heh me!”
--Gabriel asking for help

“Mom, I sneezed again!  What do you saaayyy?”

Mommy:  “Jacob, leave the cat alone!
Jacob:  (with a huge salute) “Yes sir!”

As the sacrament prayer was being said, Gabriel kept saying, “Zee-zee Cwy, Ameh!”

“You’re welcome, Mom, for doing that!”

I had sat on Gabriel’s blanket, and when he pulled it out from under me, he started crying hysterically.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“You made it warm!”

“I’m thankful for our cereals…”
--Jacob’s night prayer

“Oh!  Don’t kiss my hand!  I’ll put hand sanitizer on your kissing!”

“Thank you to make me a mask!  So, so thank you!”

“Shut your mouth and eat!”

“Oh, GREATYucky.  You sat on my gainket.”

“Oh, yes, yes!  Sure!  Sure!”

“Jacob made my seat warm!”
--Gabriel, crying in frustration

“And we’re thankful for the pizza, but I don’t want to eat the pizza.  In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”
--Jacob’s dinner prayer

“Oh!  Fay-doo, fay-doo, Mommy!”
--Gabriel thanking me

“Don’t put your finger up my nose!  If you put your finger up my nose, then I’ll put my finger up your nose!”
--Gabriel, wanting to get his own boogers out

“You have big feet?”
--Gabriel to Mommy

Safety First

“Mommy!  If you don’t put your seatbelt on, a policeman will take you out and spank you!”

“Just don’t quit Qwest until after you die.”

“Gabriel, I can’t see where I’m talking!”
--Jacob sitting on sofa talking on play phone after Gabe shut off the lights

Mommy:  “Ooh!  Be careful!”
Gabriel:  “That didn’t scare myself.”

“Don’t kiss my owie!  You’ll get an owie on your face.”

Kimberly:  “Spencer, watch the road!”
Spencer:  “I was just watching a bird…”

“The ABCs say ‘Don’t blow away’!”
--Gabriel warning me during a blizzard

Mommy:  “Gabe, are you okay?!” (after he fell down)
Gabriel:  “No, no, no.  That was fun.”

“When it gets dark outside, I’m going to take a big, big gun and shoot the dark!”

Mommy:  “Jacob, don’t swallow your toothpaste.”
Jacob:  “I feel a kind, kind smell when I swallow it.”

“Don’t blow your sick air on me!”

“There were jungle ants, I killed them all, and I planted them.”
--Jacob, talking about burying the ants

“Warning.  I’m going to sit by you.  Brace yoursmelf.”

“Gabriel, I can’t see where I’m talking!”
--Jacob sitting on the sofa, talking on his play phone after Gabe turned off the lights

During a blizzard, Gabriel wanted to stop it.  “I will use the gun to shoot that wind!”

Food For Thought

“I know I’m not a bag of chips.  I might look like a bag of chips, though.”

“What do I smell?”
--Jacob asks when I’m cooking

Jacob:  “I love you, Mom.”
Mommy:  “I love you, too!”
Jacob:  “I said that ‘cause you’re making cookie bears.”

“I hate instant potatoes!  I don’t even have time to get anything ready!”

“My favorite food is dirt!”

Mommy:  “Sorry, the cake is dry.”
Jacob:  “Yeah it is…thank you!”

Spencer:  “How big do you want?” (slicing Kim a piece of cake)
Kimberly:  “I-hate-my-life big.”

Gabriel:  “Are we making gingerbread man heads?”
Mommy:  “No, we’re making gingersnaps.”

“One, two, three, four, five, six… Hey!  That’s not a lot of cookies!”
--Jacob counting what’s left in the cookie jar

“I think my spirit’s saying “I’m full!”

Mommy:  “Eat all of your corn!”
Jacob:  “I need to stretch first, because my arms are full.”

Daddy:  “You need to eat faster.”
Jacob:  “It’s because my teeth are small.”

Kimberly:  “Oh, nice.  I put the soup in the container, but guess where I put it?”
Spencer:  “You left it out?”
Kimberly:  “Yeah.  That was nice and point-ful.”

Mommy:  “How did you get so strong?  Did you eat your vegetables?”
Gabriel:  “Oh, no.  I ate my popcorn!”

Mommy:  “These brownies are going to fall apart, so don’t get mad.”
Gabriel:  (overly cheerful) “I’ll get mad!”

Mommy:  “Did you get yogurt on your hand?” (seeing a wet spot on Gabe’s hand)
Gabriel:  “That’s not yogurt, that’s my lick!”

Jacob (looking at my Burger King bags):  Did you bring me a boy meal?”
Mommy:  What do you mean?
Jacob:  “You know!  A hamburger, French fries, and a toy!”
Mommy:  “Oh!  You mean a kid’s meal!

“What do you mean it was pointless to eat those veggies?  I wasn’t eating them to get healthy!
--Kimberly (binging on chocolate after eating veggies)
“Guys!  Guys!  I’m eating a horsey!”

Jacob:  “Is this egg?” (pointing to Swiss cheese on his sandwich)
Mommy:  “No, it’s Swiss.” (leaving off the word “cheese” since he decided he hated cheese)
Daddy (whispering to Mommy): “You should have told him it was egg.”
Mommy to Jacob:  “It’s Swiss egg!”

“When you say that, it makes me not want to eat anymore!  It makes me want to eat grass.”
--Jacob threatening Gabe

“You’d better eat your rice!  I slaved long and hard for that…two months ago!”
--Mommy (referring to frozen leftovers)

Gabriel:  “Can I have more marshmallows?”
Mommy:  “No, that’s too much sugar.”
Gabriel:  “Can I have more sugar?”

Mommy:  “Gabe, do you have four cookies?”
Gabriel:  “No, I only have one.  See?  One, one, one, one!” (counting all four)

Jacob:  “I don’t want marshmallows [in my hot chocolate].”
Daddy:  “The marshmallows will melt.  You won’t even taste them.”
Jacob:  “They’re ice cream marshmallows?”

Spencer:  “So what made you save only two cookies?”
Kimberly:  “I got too sick to finish them.”

Life’s Great Mysteries

Gabriel:  “Mommy?  Mommy?  Mommy?”
Mommy:  “What, Gabe?”
Gabriel:  “Ummmmmm…”

Jacob (with a flower to his ear):  “I was trying to hear him breathing!”

“Why is there a scrape in the sky?”
--Jacob, pointing to an airplane trail

Jacob:  “Is the moon hot?”
Mommy:  “No.”
Jacob:  “It’s like a chip?”

“Nothing is where I find it!”

Jacob:  “What do I smell?”
Mommy:  “You smell dinner.”
Gabriel:  “I smell my bike!”

Jacob:  “Mom?”
Mommy:  “What?”
Jacob:  “So…I don’t know.”
“Don’t take what she says with a grain of butter.”

“So a horse needs 16, 8, 5 monies?”
--Jacob figuring how much horses cost

“Hurry up!  I’m afraid I’m going to get cold up!”
--Jacob (getting dressed after his bath)

“Yes, none of that made sense, but it was awesome anyways.”

“If you want to call me ‘babe’, you’ll have to get me a real good costume.”

“Is it still today?”

Kimberly:  “Honey, how much time is left?”
Spencer:  “Only 2/3 of the time is left.”
Kimberly:  “I can’t figure that out!...Oh, 20 minutes.”

“That’s like saying to Sodom and Gomorrah, ‘You’ve never had a hail storm, have you?’”

“Why is there a scrape in the sky?”
--Jacob, pointing to an airplane trail
Gabriel was shouting nonsense while shining a flashlight in his face.  After several minutes of doing this, he reverently said, “Amen.”

We were watching “Hook”, and when Peter Pan kissed his old teddy bear, Jacob asked, “Did he take a bite out of it?”

Mommy:  “I need to go visiting teaching in one hour.”
Jacob:  “Oh, no.  You’re late.”

“How does Santa Claus fit in the chimney?  Does he turn into a bat?”

Mommy:  “Gabe, push the circle button!”
Gabriel:  “Oh, no!  The circle is under arrest!”

Daddy:  “I just want you to sit there and not talk.  Can you do that?”
Jacob:  “Yes…Okay.  First, chapter three…”

“You know I’m a young dad, because instead of getting gray hairs, I get pimples.”

“Why is all of my one cups always dirty?!”

Kimberly:  “Let's see how long this movie is.”
Spencer:  “How long is it?”
Kimberly:  “84 minutes.”
Spencer:  “That's it?  Only 124 minutes?”

“Well, if you count some sheep for me, it will help me wear out and fall asleep.”

“All this time, you thought you married someone younger than you.  Right now, biologically, I’ve got your dad beat!”

“Hello, ball?  Where are you, ball?  Come here, ball!”

“On the other year, did I wake up from my long nap?”

“What letter makes the ‘F’ sound?”

Jacob:  “Can I water my flowers?”
Daddy:  “No…you’ll kill them.”
Gabriel:  “He’s not going to kill them.  He’s helping them grow healthy and strong!”

“Remember the truth of God, the Eternal Father.”
--Jacob’s prayer
“I know what forget means.  It means…what does it mean again?”

“I knew there was a word for it, but when I started to talk, poof!  It was gone.”

Mommy:  “Oh, I guess the mail’s here.  I see footprints in the snow.”
Daddy:  “That was there earlier.”
Mommy:  “Oh, maybe it was the newspaper carrier, then.”
Jacob:  “Or maybe, it was a monster!”

 “You can do threes or fours.  Or, if you want, you can even do nones.  There’s nothing wrong with doing nones!”
--Spencer (Talking about lifting weights) 

Mommy:  “Gabriel, in two days, you’re going to be three!”
Gabriel:  “Do you want to be five?”

“I didn’t say I was smart.  I said I was brilliant.  Wait, that doesn’t work…”

“I just don’t know what to say!”

Daddy:  “Why is the bedroom light on?”
Jacob:  “Gabriel has a Go-Gadget arm!”
Daddy (exercising):  “Oh, my legs are killing me!”
Jacob (sitting on sofa):  “My legs are killing me, too!”

Mommy:  “Gabe, do you know that you’re going to turn 3 years old soon?”
Gabriel:  “Yeah!  I’m going to turn into you.”

Gabe riding on the rocking horse:  “I’m going to put gas in it to make it go fast, fast, fast!”

“One!....Two!...Don’t make me count so high!”
--Daddy warning the boys

“When I get bigger, I’m going to buy a girl costume, and I’m going to marry myself!”

Kimberly:  “Isn’t Gabe looking so mature?”
Spencer:  “What about me?”
Kimberly:  “Spence, you’re looking so mature!”
Spencer, arms straight up in the air and running around in tiny circles:  “Hee-hee-hee!  Hee-hee-hee!”

“Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, twenty-ten, twenty-eleven…wait a minute!”

“My happy face blew away!”
Mommy:  “Jacob, you’re just full of questions, aren’t you?”
Jacob:  “And I’m not a squirrel.  I’m not!”

“Are your thinkings out, or are they still in?”

Love At Home

Gabriel:  “You make me sooo mad!”
Jacob:  “I’m mad, too!”
Gabriel:  “Then I not mad.  I happy.”

Jacob:  “I can’t believe this house!”
Mommy:  “Why?”
Jacob:  “Because I love it!”

Jacob:  Augh!  I don’t like your crying!”
Gabriel:  “You like my cry!”

Kimberly:  “Oh my goodness!”
Spencer:  “That won’t take long to explain.”

(Daddy talking to Jarod):  “Give me kisses, give me—ow!  That’s not a kiss!”

Kimberly:  “Yes, Mommy is still grouchy leftover from yesterday.”
Spencer:  “Leftovers?  Yes!  I love leftovers!”

Daddy (sarcastically):  “You’re being so nice to me.”
Gabriel:  “I no be nice!  I be naughty!  Naughty!”

“Gabeeo, you’re starting my patience!”

Jacob:  “I’m never going to talk to you again!”
Gabriel:  “You will talk to me…right now!”

Kimberly to the fighting cats:  “Kids, will you knock it off?”

“Parenting tip # 344:  Never spank an angry pirate who’s holding a sword.”

“You’re a mean nice-person.”

“Gabe, just play your own game and start your own engine.”

“Okay, Jacob.  I’ve got to go…do something.”
--Daddy tired of Jacob’s long story

Living the Dream

Spencer:  “What time is it?”
Kimberly:  “I don’t know.  Morning.”
Spencer:  “After last night, there is no morning.  Only doom.”

“I want to ride a horsey.  It was a dream come true.”

“This smells so beautiful!”
--Jacob (smelling a candle)

After Spencer lit a match, Gabriel started singing “Happy Birthday to you.”

Spencer:  “I’m just trying to help.”
Kimberly:  “You are?”
Spencer:  “…myself!”

“Bye, Daddy!  Have a good dream at work today!”

“I’m going to ride my Lightning McQueen horsey!”

Daddy:  “Jacob, are you coming?”
Jacob:  “Where are we going?  To Never Land?”
Daddy:  “No, to Macey’s.”
Jacob:  “Oh.  I thought we were going to Never Land.”

Gabriel:  “Can I get a sticker?”
Mommy:  “Did you go pee in the potty?”
Gabriel:  “No, I went pee in my pants!  So can I get a sticker?”

“Some people have horses for pets…  we have cats.”

“When I get bigger, I want to be a measuring man so I can always wear this [measuring tape].”

“I’m going to stand on the sky and take down the moon.”


“Mom, I called my glasses a rascal!”

“That was fun.  I’ll call that ‘Excitement Number Five’.”
--Spencer, after gagging

“Bye, Mom!  I’m going inside my blanket to get dinner ready!”

“I look like a monkey when I got undressed!”

“Morning: 1
Mommy:  0”
--Spencer, when my ingredients fell to the floor

“Watch me be a rainbow!”

(Jacob rubbing under his nose with his finger)
Mommy:  “Do you have to blow your nose?”
Jacob:  “Nah.  I’m just playing the violin.”

“That was fun!  That why I say, “Wee-hoo!”

“Oh, I am so clever today!”

“When I say ‘cah-cah,’ it make me silly.”

“We’re eating boogers for dinner tonight.”
--Mommy, not wanting to figure out dinner

Mommy:  “Gabe, say ‘Ooh-la-la!’
Gabriel:  “Oooh, yeah!”

Mommy:  “Do you like your lunch?”
Jacob:  “Yes, Mrs. Claus.”

“Ah, ah, ah-choo!  Hey!  Air came out and blew Mom’s hair off!”

“Did you hear my sound?  Coo-coo!  That’s how I made my toot.”

Quite Literally

(Gabe with olives on his fingers)
Mommy:  “Those look like army hats!
Gabriel:  “No.  They look like…finger hats.”

Jacob:  “Mommy is asleep.”
Gabriel:  “No, her head is awake!”

Kimberly:  “Oh my goodness!”
Spencer:  “That won’t take long to explain.”

Gabriel:  “Mommy, why are you lying down?”
Mommy:  “Because I just can’t stand it anymore.”

Jacob:  “Why do we need toilet paper?”
Mommy:  “Do you want to wipe your bottom with your hand?”
Jacob:  “Sick!  Then I’d have to throw myself away!”

“Do you talk English, Dad?”

Mommy handed Gabe a cracker with a squeeze-cheese smiley face on it.  Gabe asked, “There’s a mouth on it?  And a forehead?”

“See the mountains?  That’s East.  That’s where the tormadoes are.”

“Grandpa?  Are you asleep?  Why are you sleeping?  Are you tired?”

I told Grandma Frye that Jacob was dying to talk to her on the phone.  When he got on, in a meek little voice, he said, “Gwamma, I’m dying.”

“Look, Mom!  Someone gave us a car!”
--Jacob seeing a car parked in front of our house

“Oh, I know!  If we ask the Holy Ghost, he’ll teach us how to make a horse!  Like where to glue the feet…”

Gabriel:  “Mommy, Jacob threw Daddy’s stick into the garden!”
Mommy:  “Oh, I see…”
Gabriel:  “No, you don’t see!”

“Where’s my kickoe-fing?”
--Jacob asking for the “tickle thing” on his blanket, a little string he uses to tickle his eyes, nose and mouth.

Grandma King: “Is that your car?”
Gabriel:  “No, no, no!  It’s not a car!”
Grandma King:  “What is it?”
Gabriel:  “It’s Lightning McQueen car!”

Daddy:  “Can you say, ‘I’m Batman’?”
Gabriel:  “I’m Gabe-ee-oh!”

Gabriel (reading an alphabet book together and pointing to the letter O):  “Look, there’s an O!  Like Gabe-ee-OH!”

Daddy:  “Just a second, Jarod!”
Mommy:  (pause) “You’re late.”

“If I cry, I’ll have to put my thumb inside my mouth so I can calm down, okay?”

Mommy:  “Do not, do not repeat yourself!”
Daddy:  “That’s a good way to teach him.”
Mommy:  “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

Jacob (looking at an ad):  “Uh-oh.  There’s pictures of shoes.  Now we need to buy some shoes.”

“I should write my own blog with writing on it.”

Daddy:  “Jacob, you kicked that bottle over again.”
Jacob:  “Augh!  Stop, Jacob!”

Jacob:  “Who’s this?”
Mommy:  “That’s the angel, Gabriel.”
Jacob (whining):  “I wanted it to be Angel Jacob.”

Mommy (after giving Gabe 3 markers and offering Jacob 3):  “Do you want to color with these, too?”
Jacob:  “No, three.”

Mommy:  “If Jacob jumped off a mountain, would you?”
Gabriel:  “Where’s the mountain?  (looking out window)  That mountain?”

The Human Body Mystery

“When I get older, I want a big head, big ears, big feet…and a big chin like Daddy!”

“My mouth is sad.”

“I feel achy in my face.”

“Heaven forbid I’m a mortal!”

“When I get bigger, will my ears fall out and I’ll get bigger ears?”

Jacob:  “Mommy, how tall are you?”
Mommy:  “I’m five feet, six inches.”
Gabriel:  “I have five feet, too!”

After explaining that babies have no teeth, Gabriel said, “I’ll put my teeth in baby Jarod!”

Jacob:  “When I’m five, will I get a newer voice?”

“Mommy, I have good news and bad news.  Good news?  My socks stink.  Bad news?  My feet stink.”

“Is Jarod’s head zipped up inside?”

“I have bones inside that make me really good talking.”

Gabriel:  “I am big!” (hugs Jacob to measure and looks up)  Oh, maybe I still little.”

“You open it.  I don’t have enough power to do it.”

Jacob:  “Is my bottom a little bit big yet?”
Mommy:  “Yes.”
Jacob:  “Good.”

Jacob:  “Do I have black light on me?” (pointing to chin)
Mommy:  “No.”
Jacob:  “If you see black light, you’ll tell me?  ‘Cause that’s my beard that you’ll see.”
“I don’t want to grow up!  I don’t want to be a man.  I just want to be a man when I’m little.  Can you stop me growing up?”

“Gabe, I don’t have five hands!  I only have one  han—two hands!”

Mommy:  “Let me clean your hand.”
Gabriel:  “I was washing it with my tongue!”

Mommy:  “Can you put this [vanilla] in the cupboard on the top shelf?”
Gabriel:  “No, no, I can’t.  My hands are too tiny.  But if I had Mickey Mouse hands…”

Mommy (to Gabe, who’s sucking his thumb):  “Are you growing some new teeth?”
Gabriel:  “Uh-huh.  I’m making it grow.”

“I want a new voice to speak English like Peter Pan.”

“Don’t talk any words!”

“Gabriel, did your bones break?  Sometimes mine break.  Sometimes the glue that sticks to them—the yucky glue—comes off.”

“Mommy, will it be cool if I wake up and have big hands?”

“Look, Mommy!  I have feet nails!”

“I look like somebody else!”
--Jacob after a haircut

“I don’t think Dad heard the noise from my voice.”

Mommy:  “Do you want a bite?”
Gabriel:  “No.  It will give me long eyes.  I’ll get big eyes if I take a bite.  I don’t want big eyes.”

“You’re squishing my face off!”
--Gabriel to Mommy who’s washing his face

Gabriel:  “Can you help me eat?”
Mommy:  “No, I’m helping Jarod eat.  I’m not an octopus.  I don’t have eight arms.”
Gabriel:  “Yes you do.  You have eight arms!”

“I didn’t know how to think, because my thinking was already out of me.”

“It’s unusual how good-looking I am!”

Daddy:  “Ouch!  Don’t hit my Adam’s Apple!”
Jacob:  “Apple?”

“Ouch!  My noise hurt my ears!”

“I’ve got a lot of crazy in my genes!”

Gabriel (pointing to the back of Jacob’s hair):  “There’s a tormado right there!”

“I didn’t hear your answer.  Sometimes people’s ears have tiny, tiny holes.”

“Some soap got into my eyes.  But that’s okay.  My eyes smell good.”