Over the years, I've collected quotes from our family that are either cute or just downright hilarous. They've been compiled into a book, titled, "Kings Say the Darndest Things." In this book, Jacob is 4, Gabriel is 3, and Jarod turns 1 later that year.
A compilation of family quotes
throughout the year: 2011
Strengthening Family Relationships
“Mommy,
when I grow up, I want to marry you!”
--Jacob
“I
don’t want a hug or a kiss…you can just kiss my hand.”
--Gabriel
Jacob: “You’re the best!”
Gabriel: “Yes I am!”
“Mommy,
you’re Gabeeoh’s friend.”
--Gabriel
“Daddy,
I like you!”
--Jacob
“Ohhh!
Look at this sweet card you sent me!
When did you send it? Oh. We hadn’t even met yet.”
--Kimberly
“I’ll
need a unicorn for my girl, and a horse for me.
Then we can stay together.”
--Jacob
planning his future
Jacob: “Who are you going to marry?”
Gabriel: “Ummm…I’m going to marry Grandpa Frye!”
Jacob: “You can’t marry Grandpa Frye! He’s a boy!”
Gabriel: “Then I no get married!”
“When
I get married, I need white clothes and garments.”
--Jacob
Jacob
(putting a dandelion on the sofa for Mommy):
“Now keep it there ‘cuz I’m in love with you!”
“So…how’s
it doing, Mom?”
--Jacob,
trying to make small talk
Mommy: “Why are you so cute?”
Gabriel: “I so cute because I love you!”
“I
like you guys!”
--Jacob,
to Mommy and Daddy
Kimberly:
“I looked a lot cooler in my head.”
Spencer:
“At least you looked cool somewhere.”
“Mommy,
I did what you asked!”
--Gabriel
“Just
give him to me so I can finish feeling bad for myself.”
--Kimberly
reaching for crying Jarod
Mommy: “You’re my special Gabriel.”
Gabriel: “Ooh!
I’m a beshow Daybeeoh! I‘m a
beshow Daybeeoh!”
“I
love Heavenly Father and Jesus. I want
to give them a big hug!”
--Jacob
“Mommy,
I love it when you smile at me and say, ‘Of course you can!’ Can you do that again?”
--Jacob
“Mommy, can you give me a kiss? It will put love in my heart.”
--Jacob
Mommy: “You’re a cutie pie!”
Gabriel: “Yes!”
Gabriel: “Mommy, say foot.”
Mommy:
“Foot.”
Gabriel: Now say ball.”
Mommy: “Ball.”
Gabriel: “Now say football.”
Mommy: “Football.”
Gabriel: “Good job, Mommy!”
“He’s cute, he just got the stinky gene!”
--Spencer about Jarod
“I
touch your bottom because I like you!”
--Gabriel
“Daddy,
you can’t come in here! This is my
work! But Mommy, you can come into my
work, because you’re my girl. I like
girls.”
--Jacob
“Jacob,
I am really your friend!”
--Gabriel
after Jacob got mad at him
Spencer:
“I’m going to give you a nice, BIG surprise.”
Kimberly:
“Cake?”
Spencer (seductively): “Happy
Birthday.”
Kimberly:
“Ooh! Cake!”
Just
to Clarify…
“I
have a frog in my throat. What kind of
frog is it? A boy? A girl?”
--Jacob
“See
the no hair? That’s how the other
Grandpa is made!”
--Gabriel
“I’ve heard I’m really awesome. Not from you, though.”
--Spencer
Mommy:
“When you take the sacrament, you won’t be sitting with us. You’ll be sitting in the front of the
church.” (explaining the Primary Program)
Jacob:
“Will I be the Prophet?”
“I see kids! There’s kids and girls.”
--Gabriel
“Where’s Grandpa? I mean Mother? I mean Daddy?”
--Jacob
“I want to say a word to you!”
--Gabriel
“The A says ‘cuh,’ the A says ‘cuh,’ every
letter makes a sound, the A says ‘cook’!”
--Gabriel singing
“Ow!
I pulled a tiny hair on my back!
I mean, I don’t have any hair on my back.”
--Kim
“Did you finish ahh-brushing your teeth?”
--Daddy
“Are you asleep?”
--Kimberly whispering to sleeping Spencer
Mommy:
“Leave the (candy cane) wrapper on. I don’t want you to get all sticky.”
Gabriel:
“That’s okay! I’ll get all
sticky!”
“I’m not a pillow!”
--Jacob, telling Daddy not to lie on him
“I’m an awesome, sexy husband, minus the awesome
and sexy. I’m just a husband.”
--Spencer
“The only thing I need to repent of is my awesomeness!”
--Spencer
“K, Mom.
Here’s the deal…”
--Jacob
“That thing goes through lights like…a
thing that goes through lights!”
--Spencer talking about our living room
chandelier
“I didn’t make a big mess!”
--Jacob, the one who “didn’t” spill 750 toothpicks
all over the floor at 6:30 am
“Mommy,
that boy talks English. Sometimes I talk
English, too.”
--Jacob
“If that (bumper) were in my yard, I’d be so mad !
I’d be like, ‘Uh, move it.’”
--Kimberly
“You’re not going to throw up, because
you’re a big girl?”
--Jacob
“I
didn’t shut my eyes, and I’m not thinking!
I didn’t dream it!”
--Jacob
(telling us how our car was honking by itself)
Gabriel: “I need to go to work.”
Jacob: “I need to go to work, too.”
Gabriel: “No!
There’s no blue work, no black work.
Only red work.”
Mommy: “Jacob, don’t suck on your shirt!”
Jacob: “I didn’t!
I was asleep! Gabriel came in my
room and sucked my shirt.”
“I’m
serious. . . .
Mom, what does serious mean?”
--Jacob
Gabriel
(watching me make up his bed): “Is it
made up?”
Mommy: “Not yet.”
Gabriel: “Is it made down?”
“I
want to see how long is left… I don’t
think that was right.”
--Spencer
Jacob
was asking what would happen if he fell off the treadmill and got all bent
up. “How would you blow me back
up?...Maybe with hot air.”
“I
don’t like dust…and I don’t like cleaning!”
--Kimberly
“If
there are bad guys in the walls, will Heavenly Father come down and put
handcuffs on them and take them to jail?”
--Jacob
Mommy: “All superheroes have names: Batman, Superman, Spiderman…”
Jacob: “Oh, like Batman Spencer King?”
“Look,
Mom! There’s the mailman! And there’s his car. Now he’s walking to his car. Now he’s opening the car door. Now he’s getting in the car. Now he’s closing the door. Now he’s driving away! See, Mom?”
--Gabriel
Jacob: “Why do we have two boxes [of Scooby
Snacks]?”
Mommy: “Because one is old and one is new.”
Gabriel: “You’re old?”
“Who
made our house? Is it Jesus or workers?”
--Jacob
“Is
the water turning to chicken?”
--Gabriel
(seeing chicken frying in oil)
“Are
you Mommy, Mom?”
--Gabriel
“If
I go poo-poo, will Heavenly Father come down and bring me a diaper?”
--Gabriel
Mommy: “You’re silly.”
Jacob: “I’m not a girl!”
“I’m
so sick of being sick, and I’m tired of being tired!”
--Kimberly
“When
I was born, awesome was created.”
--Spencer
Jacob: “When are we going to their house?”
Mommy: “Whose house?”
Jacob: “Grandma and Grandpa’s.”
Mommy: “Which one?
Frye or King?”
Jacob: “You know, the one with the Grandpa! The one with no hair.”
Gabriel: “Look, Jacob!
There are stars in the sky!”
Jacob: “No there isn’t. Jesus wasn’t born on this night.”
“I
just BARELY mopped…two days ago!”
--Mommy
“Gabe,
do you have a mystery on your hand?”
--Jacob
Mommy: “Jarod’s getting so strong! He’s going to be crawling soon.”
Gabriel: “Like a spider?”
Jacob:
“Gabriel, are you talking to my arm?”
Gabriel: “No.”
Jacob: “Are you talking to all of my skin?”
Spencer: “I’m getting pretty handy with these things
[crutches].”
Kimberly: “What about when you fell down the stairs?”
Spencer: “I didn’t fall…I glided!”
Spencer: “I smell something gross, like the cats
pooping.”
Kimberly: “Did you brush your teeth?”
“Do
I get to go to bed now? Oh, GREAT. I don’t want to go to bed!”
--Jacob
“Can
I help? Or yes? Or no?
Or yes? Or no?”
--Gabriel
“I’m
really satisfied with myself.”
--Jacob
(meaning to say disappointed)
Mommy: “Good night, four-year-old! I love you.”
Jacob: “Good night, big girl Mommy!”
“Mommy,
for Christmas, I don’t want my two front teeth.
That’s not how it is!”
--Jacob
“Why
is she crying? Is it because she’s a
girl?”
--Jacob
In
primary, we learned the words “In the lovely garden, the flowers are nodding.” Aghast, Jacob turned back to me and asked,
“The flowers are naughty?!”
Jacob: “Stupid cat!”
Daddy: “Don’t say that word. It’s naughty.”
Jacob: “Oh, only Mommy can say it?”
“If
Professor breaks, can we get a new, cute Professor?”
--Jacob
Mommy: “Gabe, don’t hit the cat!”
Gabe: “No, no, no.
I didn’t hit the kitty. My hand
hit the kitty.”
Mommy: “The answer is no.”
Gabriel: “I know the answer is yes!”
Gabriel: “Can I have fruit snacks?”
Daddy: “No fruit snacks.”
Gabriel: “There’s no fruit snacks? We already eat fruit snacks?”
Mommy: “Gabe, don’t hit me!”
Gabriel: “No, no, no!
I’m wearing a costume!”
Mommy: “You’re my special Jacob.”
Jacob: “Did the other Jacob break?”
Mind Your Manners
Mommy: “Sweetie, I need to use the potty.”
Jacob: “Wait a minute. I need to look at my face first.”
“Gabe-ee-oh! I smell your peewee! Put your pants on! I don’t want to smell you immodest!”
--Jacob
Gabriel: “Ow!...Ow!...Mom, I said ow!”
Mommy: “Oh, are you okay?”
Gabriel: “Yeah.”
“You
didn’t catch up with my answers!”
--Jacob
“I’ve been a good boy today.”
--Spencer
“Those are MY crumbs, Gabeeo!”
--Jacob
“Shut!”
--Gabriel telling us to be quiet
Daddy:
“You’re polar bear poo-poo!”
Jacob:
“That’s not funny! Poo-poo is
part of bottoms!”
Mommy:
“Gabe, will you say, ‘Yes, Mommy’?”
Gabe:
“No! I won’t say ‘yes, Mommy’.”
“I
hope I have good dreams! Goodnight!”
--Jacob
“Sometimes I lick my snot.”
--Jacob
“O-tay!”
--Gabriel
“You guys can do noogies after dinner.”
--Mommy
Kimberly: “What was that sound?”
Spencer: “A yawn gone wrong.”
“Excuse me, may I play?” (trying to ask if he could be excused from
the breakfast table)
--Gabriel
“Heh
me, heh me, heh me, heh me, heh me!”
--Gabriel
asking for help
“Mom,
I sneezed again! What do you saaayyy?”
--Jacob
Mommy: “Jacob, leave the cat alone!
Jacob: (with a huge salute) “Yes sir!”
As the sacrament prayer was being said,
Gabriel kept saying, “Zee-zee Cwy, Ameh!”
“You’re
welcome, Mom, for doing that!”
--Jacob
I
had sat on Gabriel’s blanket, and when he pulled it out from under me, he
started crying hysterically.
“What’s
wrong?” I asked.
“You
made it warm!”
“I’m
thankful for our cereals…”
--Jacob’s
night prayer
“Oh! Don’t kiss my hand! I’ll put hand sanitizer on your kissing!”
--Gabriel
“Thank
you to make me a mask! So, so thank
you!”
--Gabriel
“Shut your mouth and eat!”
--Mommy
“Oh,
GREAT. Yucky.
You sat on my gainket.”
--Jacob
“Oh, yes, yes! Sure!
Sure!”
--Gabriel
“Jacob
made my seat warm!”
--Gabriel,
crying in frustration
“And
we’re thankful for the pizza, but I don’t want to eat the pizza. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”
--Jacob’s
dinner prayer
“Oh! Fay-doo, fay-doo, Mommy!”
--Gabriel
thanking me
“Don’t
put your finger up my nose! If you put
your finger up my nose, then I’ll put my finger
up your nose!”
--Gabriel,
wanting to get his own boogers out
“You
have big feet?”
--Gabriel
to Mommy
Safety
First
“Mommy! If you don’t put your seatbelt on, a
policeman will take you out and spank you!”
--Jacob
“Just don’t quit Qwest until after you die.”
--Kimberly
“Gabriel, I can’t see where I’m talking!”
--Jacob sitting on sofa talking on play
phone after Gabe shut off the lights
Mommy: “Ooh!
Be careful!”
Gabriel: “That didn’t scare myself.”
“Don’t
kiss my owie! You’ll get an owie on your
face.”
--Gabriel
Kimberly: “Spencer, watch the road!”
Spencer: “I was just watching a bird…”
“The
ABCs say ‘Don’t blow away’!”
--Gabriel
warning me during a blizzard
Mommy: “Gabe, are you okay?!” (after he fell down)
Gabriel: “No, no, no.
That was fun.”
“When
it gets dark outside, I’m going to take a big, big gun and shoot the dark!”
--Gabriel
Mommy: “Jacob, don’t swallow your toothpaste.”
Jacob: “I feel a kind, kind smell when I swallow
it.”
“Don’t
blow your sick air on me!”
--Jacob
“There
were jungle ants, I killed them all, and I planted them.”
--Jacob,
talking about burying the ants
“Warning.
I’m going to sit by you. Brace
yoursmelf.”
--Kimberly
“Gabriel,
I can’t see where I’m talking!”
--Jacob
sitting on the sofa, talking on his play phone after Gabe turned off the lights
During a blizzard, Gabriel wanted to stop
it. “I will use the gun to shoot that
wind!”
Food For Thought
“I
know I’m not a bag of chips. I might look like a bag of chips, though.”
--Kimberly
“What do I smell?”
--Jacob asks when I’m cooking
Jacob: “I love you, Mom.”
Mommy: “I love you, too!”
Jacob: “I said that ‘cause you’re making cookie
bears.”
“I hate instant potatoes! I don’t even have time to get anything
ready!”
--Kimberly
“My
favorite food is dirt!”
--Gabriel
Mommy:
“Sorry, the cake is dry.”
Jacob:
“Yeah it is…thank you!”
Spencer: “How big do you want?” (slicing Kim a piece
of cake)
Kimberly: “I-hate-my-life big.”
Gabriel: “Are we making gingerbread man heads?”
Mommy: “No, we’re making gingersnaps.”
“One,
two, three, four, five, six… Hey! That’s
not a lot of cookies!”
--Jacob
counting what’s left in the cookie jar
“I
think my spirit’s saying “I’m full!”
--Jacob
Mommy: “Eat all of your corn!”
Jacob: “I need to stretch first, because my arms are
full.”
Daddy: “You need to eat faster.”
Jacob: “It’s because my teeth are small.”
Kimberly: “Oh, nice. I put the soup in the container, but guess
where I put it?”
Spencer: “You left it out?”
Kimberly: “Yeah.
That was nice and point-ful.”
Mommy: “How did you get so strong? Did you eat your vegetables?”
Gabriel: “Oh, no.
I ate my popcorn!”
Mommy: “These brownies are going to fall apart, so
don’t get mad.”
Gabriel: (overly cheerful) “I’ll get mad!”
Mommy: “Did you get yogurt on your hand?” (seeing a
wet spot on Gabe’s hand)
Gabriel: “That’s not yogurt, that’s my lick!”
Jacob
(looking at my Burger King bags): Did
you bring me a boy meal?”
Mommy: What do you mean?
Jacob: “You know!
A hamburger, French fries, and a toy!”
Mommy: “Oh!
You mean a kid’s meal!”
“What
do you mean it was pointless to eat those veggies? I wasn’t eating them to get healthy!”
--Kimberly
(binging on chocolate after eating veggies)
“Guys! Guys!
I’m eating a horsey!”
--Gabriel
Jacob: “Is this egg?” (pointing to Swiss cheese on
his sandwich)
Mommy: “No, it’s Swiss.” (leaving off the word
“cheese” since he decided he hated cheese)
Daddy
(whispering to Mommy): “You should have told him it was egg.”
Mommy
to Jacob: “It’s Swiss egg!”
“When
you say that, it makes me not want to eat anymore! It makes me want to eat grass.”
--Jacob
threatening Gabe
“You’d
better eat your rice! I slaved long and
hard for that…two months ago!”
--Mommy
(referring to frozen leftovers)
Gabriel: “Can I have more marshmallows?”
Mommy: “No, that’s too much sugar.”
Gabriel: “Can I have more sugar?”
Mommy: “Gabe, do you have four cookies?”
Gabriel: “No, I only have one. See?
One, one, one, one!” (counting all four)
Jacob: “I don’t want marshmallows [in my hot
chocolate].”
Daddy: “The marshmallows will melt. You won’t even taste them.”
Jacob: “They’re ice cream marshmallows?”
Spencer:
“So what made you save only two cookies?”
Kimberly:
“I got too sick to finish them.”
Life’s
Great Mysteries
Gabriel: “Mommy?
Mommy? Mommy?”
Mommy: “What, Gabe?”
Gabriel: “Ummmmmm…”
Jacob
(with a flower to his ear): “I was
trying to hear him breathing!”
“Why is there a scrape in the sky?”
--Jacob, pointing to an airplane trail
Jacob: “Is the moon hot?”
Mommy: “No.”
Jacob: “It’s like a chip?”
“Nothing
is where I find it!”
--Spencer
Jacob: “What do I smell?”
Mommy: “You smell dinner.”
Gabriel: “I smell my bike!”
Jacob: “Mom?”
Mommy: “What?”
Jacob: “So…I don’t know.”
“Don’t
take what she says with a grain of butter.”
--Spencer
“So a horse needs 16, 8, 5 monies?”
--Jacob figuring how much horses cost
“Hurry up!
I’m afraid I’m going to get cold up!”
--Jacob (getting dressed after his bath)
“Yes, none of that made sense, but it was
awesome anyways.”
--Spencer
“If you want to call me ‘babe’, you’ll have
to get me a real good costume.”
--Jacob
“Is
it still today?”
--Jacob
Kimberly:
“Honey, how much time is left?”
Spencer:
“Only 2/3 of the time is left.”
Kimberly:
“I can’t figure that out!...Oh, 20 minutes.”
“That’s like saying to Sodom and Gomorrah,
‘You’ve never had a hail storm, have you?’”
--Spencer
“Why
is there a scrape in the sky?”
--Jacob,
pointing to an airplane trail
Gabriel was shouting nonsense while shining
a flashlight in his face. After several
minutes of doing this, he reverently said, “Amen.”
We were watching “Hook”, and when Peter Pan
kissed his old teddy bear, Jacob asked, “Did he take a bite out of it?”
Mommy: “I need to go visiting teaching in one hour.”
Jacob: “Oh, no.
You’re late.”
“How does Santa Claus fit in the
chimney? Does he turn into a bat?”
--Jacob
Mommy: “Gabe, push the circle button!”
Gabriel: “Oh, no!
The circle is under arrest!”
Daddy:
“I just want you to sit there and not talk. Can you do that?”
Jacob:
“Yes…Okay. First, chapter three…”
“You
know I’m a young dad, because instead of getting gray hairs, I get pimples.”
--Spencer
“Why
is all of my one cups always dirty?!”
--Kimberly
Kimberly:
“Let's see how long this movie is.”
Spencer:
“How long is it?”
Kimberly:
“84 minutes.”
Spencer:
“That's it? Only 124 minutes?”
“Well,
if you count some sheep for me, it will help me wear out and fall asleep.”
--Jacob
“All this time, you thought you married
someone younger than you. Right now,
biologically, I’ve got your dad beat!”
--Spencer
“Hello,
ball? Where are you, ball? Come here, ball!”
--Gabriel
“On
the other year, did I wake up from my long nap?”
--Jacob
“What
letter makes the ‘F’ sound?”
--Daddy
Jacob: “Can I water my flowers?”
Daddy: “No…you’ll kill them.”
Gabriel: “He’s not going to kill them. He’s helping them grow healthy and strong!”
“Remember
the truth of God, the Eternal Father.”
--Jacob’s
prayer
“I
know what forget means. It means…what
does it mean again?”
--Jacob
“I
knew there was a word for it, but when I started to talk, poof! It was gone.”
--Daddy
Mommy: “Oh, I guess the mail’s here. I see footprints in the snow.”
Daddy: “That was there earlier.”
Mommy: “Oh, maybe it was the newspaper carrier,
then.”
Jacob: “Or maybe, it was a monster!”
“You can do threes or fours. Or, if you want, you can even do nones. There’s nothing wrong with doing nones!”
--Spencer
(Talking about lifting weights)
Mommy: “Gabriel, in two days, you’re going to be
three!”
Gabriel: “Do you want to be five?”
“I
didn’t say I was smart. I said I was brilliant. Wait, that
doesn’t work…”
--Kimberly
“I
just don’t know what to say!”
--Jacob
Daddy: “Why is the bedroom light on?”
Jacob: “Gabriel has a Go-Gadget arm!”
Daddy
(exercising): “Oh, my legs are killing me!”
Jacob
(sitting on sofa): “My legs are killing me, too!”
Mommy: “Gabe, do you know that you’re going to turn
3 years old soon?”
Gabriel: “Yeah!
I’m going to turn into you.”
Gabe
riding on the rocking horse: “I’m going
to put gas in it to make it go fast, fast, fast!”
“One!....Two!...Don’t
make me count so high!”
--Daddy
warning the boys
“When
I get bigger, I’m going to buy a girl costume, and I’m going to marry myself!”
--Jacob
Kimberly: “Isn’t Gabe looking so mature?”
Spencer: “What about me?”
Kimberly: “Spence, you’re looking so mature!”
Spencer,
arms straight up in the air and running around in tiny circles: “Hee-hee-hee!
Hee-hee-hee!”
“Twenty-eight,
twenty-nine, twenty-ten, twenty-eleven…wait a minute!”
--Kimberly
“My
happy face blew away!”
--Gabriel
Mommy: “Jacob, you’re just full of questions, aren’t
you?”
Jacob: “And I’m not a squirrel. I’m not!”
“Are
your thinkings out, or are they still in?”
--Jacob
Love At Home
Gabriel: “You make me sooo mad!”
Jacob: “I’m mad, too!”
Gabriel: “Then I not mad. I happy.”
Jacob: “I can’t believe this house!”
Mommy: “Why?”
Jacob: “Because I love it!”
Jacob: Augh!
I don’t like your crying!”
Gabriel: “You like my cry!”
Kimberly:
“Oh my goodness!”
Spencer:
“That won’t take long to explain.”
(Daddy talking to Jarod): “Give me kisses, give me—ow! That’s not a kiss!”
Kimberly:
“Yes, Mommy is still grouchy leftover from yesterday.”
Spencer:
“Leftovers? Yes! I love leftovers!”
Daddy
(sarcastically): “You’re being so nice
to me.”
Gabriel: “I no be nice! I be naughty!
Naughty!”
“Gabeeo,
you’re starting my patience!”
--Jacob
Jacob:
“I’m never going to talk to
you again!”
Gabriel:
“You will talk to me…right now!”
Kimberly to the fighting cats: “Kids, will you knock it off?”
“Parenting tip # 344: Never spank an angry pirate who’s holding a
sword.”
--Kimberly
“You’re a mean nice-person.”
--Spencer
“Gabe, just play your own game and start
your own engine.”
--Daddy
“Okay, Jacob. I’ve got to go…do something.”
--Daddy tired of Jacob’s long story
Living
the Dream
Spencer: “What time is it?”
Kimberly: “I don’t know. Morning.”
Spencer: “After last night, there is no morning. Only doom.”
“I
want to ride a horsey. It was a dream
come true.”
--Jacob
“This
smells so beautiful!”
--Jacob
(smelling a candle)
After Spencer lit a match, Gabriel started
singing “Happy Birthday to you.”
Spencer:
“I’m just trying to help.”
Kimberly:
“You are?”
Spencer:
“…myself!”
“Bye,
Daddy! Have a good dream at work today!”
--Jacob
“I’m going to ride my Lightning McQueen
horsey!”
--Gabriel
Daddy: “Jacob, are you coming?”
Jacob: “Where are we going? To Never Land?”
Daddy: “No, to Macey’s.”
Jacob: “Oh. I
thought we were going to Never Land.”
Gabriel: “Can I get a sticker?”
Mommy: “Did you go pee in the potty?”
Gabriel: “No, I went pee in my pants! So can I get a sticker?”
“Some people have horses for pets… we have cats.”
--Mommy
“When I get bigger, I want to be a
measuring man so I can always wear this [measuring tape].”
--Jacob
“I’m
going to stand on the sky and take down the moon.”
--Gabriel
Silliness
“Mom,
I called my glasses a rascal!”
--Gabriel
“That was fun. I’ll call that ‘Excitement Number Five’.”
--Spencer, after gagging
“Bye,
Mom! I’m going inside my blanket to get
dinner ready!”
--Gabriel
“I
look like a monkey when I got undressed!”
--Gabriel
“Morning: 1
Mommy:
0”
--Spencer, when my ingredients fell to the
floor
“Watch
me be a rainbow!”
--Gabriel
(Jacob
rubbing under his nose with his finger)
Mommy: “Do you have to blow your nose?”
Jacob: “Nah.
I’m just playing the violin.”
“That
was fun! That why I say, “Wee-hoo!”
--Gabriel
“Oh, I am so clever today!”
--Spencer
“When
I say ‘cah-cah,’ it make me silly.”
--Gabriel
“We’re eating boogers for dinner tonight.”
--Mommy, not wanting to figure out dinner
Mommy:
“Gabe, say ‘Ooh-la-la!’
Gabriel:
“Oooh, yeah!”
Mommy: “Do you like your lunch?”
Jacob: “Yes, Mrs. Claus.”
“Ah,
ah, ah-choo! Hey! Air came out and blew Mom’s hair off!”
--Jacob
“Did you hear my sound? Coo-coo!
That’s how I made my toot.”
--Gabriel
Quite Literally
(Gabe
with olives on his fingers)
Mommy: “Those look like army hats!
Gabriel: “No.
They look like…finger hats.”
Jacob: “Mommy is asleep.”
Gabriel: “No, her head is awake!”
Kimberly: “Oh my goodness!”
Spencer: “That won’t take long to explain.”
Gabriel:
“Mommy, why are you lying down?”
Mommy:
“Because I just can’t stand it anymore.”
Jacob:
“Why do we need toilet paper?”
Mommy:
“Do you want to wipe your bottom with your hand?”
Jacob:
“Sick! Then I’d have to throw myself away!”
“Do
you talk English, Dad?”
--Jacob
Mommy handed Gabe a cracker with a
squeeze-cheese smiley face on it. Gabe
asked, “There’s a mouth on it? And a
forehead?”
“See
the mountains? That’s East. That’s where the tormadoes are.”
--Gabriel
“Grandpa? Are you asleep? Why are you sleeping? Are you tired?”
--Jacob
I
told Grandma Frye that Jacob was dying to talk to her on the phone. When he got on, in a meek little voice, he
said, “Gwamma, I’m dying.”
“Look,
Mom! Someone gave us a car!”
--Jacob
seeing a car parked in front of our house
“Oh,
I know! If we ask the Holy Ghost, he’ll teach us how to make a horse! Like where to glue the feet…”
--Jacob
Gabriel: “Mommy, Jacob threw Daddy’s stick into the
garden!”
Mommy: “Oh, I see…”
Gabriel: “No, you don’t see!”
“Where’s my kickoe-fing?”
--Jacob asking for the “tickle thing” on
his blanket, a little string he uses to tickle his eyes, nose and mouth.
Grandma
King: “Is that your car?”
Gabriel: “No, no, no!
It’s not a car!”
Grandma
King: “What is it?”
Gabriel: “It’s Lightning
McQueen car!”
Daddy: “Can you say, ‘I’m Batman’?”
Gabriel: “I’m Gabe-ee-oh!”
Gabriel
(reading an alphabet book together and pointing to the letter O): “Look, there’s an O! Like Gabe-ee-OH!”
Daddy:
“Just a second, Jarod!”
Mommy:
(pause) “You’re late.”
“If I cry, I’ll have to put my thumb inside
my mouth so I can calm down, okay?”
--Jacob
Mommy: “Do not, do not repeat yourself!”
Daddy: “That’s a good way to teach him.”
Mommy: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
Jacob
(looking at an ad): “Uh-oh. There’s pictures of shoes. Now we need to buy some shoes.”
“I
should write my own blog with writing on it.”
--Spencer
Daddy:
“Jacob, you kicked that bottle over again.”
Jacob:
“Augh! Stop, Jacob!”
Jacob: “Who’s this?”
Mommy: “That’s the angel, Gabriel.”
Jacob
(whining): “I wanted it to be Angel
Jacob.”
Mommy
(after giving Gabe 3 markers and offering Jacob 3): “Do you want to color with these, too?”
Jacob: “No, three.”
Mommy: “If Jacob jumped off a mountain, would you?”
Gabriel: “Where’s the mountain? (looking out window) That mountain?”
The Human Body Mystery
“When
I get older, I want a big head, big ears, big feet…and a big chin like Daddy!”
--Jacob
“My mouth is sad.”
--Jacob
“I feel achy in my face.”
--Kimberly
“Heaven
forbid I’m a mortal!”
--Spencer
“When
I get bigger, will my ears fall out and I’ll get bigger ears?”
--Jacob
Jacob: “Mommy, how tall are you?”
Mommy: “I’m five feet, six inches.”
Gabriel: “I have five feet, too!”
After
explaining that babies have no teeth, Gabriel said, “I’ll put my teeth in baby
Jarod!”
Jacob: “When I’m five, will I get a newer voice?”
“Mommy,
I have good news and bad news. Good
news? My socks stink. Bad news?
My feet stink.”
--Jacob
“Is
Jarod’s head zipped up inside?”
--Jacob
“I
have bones inside that make me really good talking.”
--Jacob
Gabriel: “I am big!”
(hugs Jacob to measure and looks up) Oh,
maybe I still little.”
“You
open it. I don’t have enough power to do
it.”
--Jacob
Jacob: “Is my bottom a little bit big yet?”
Mommy: “Yes.”
Jacob: “Good.”
Jacob: “Do I have black light on me?” (pointing to
chin)
Mommy: “No.”
Jacob: “If you see black light, you’ll tell me? ‘Cause that’s my beard that you’ll see.”
“I
don’t want to grow up! I don’t want to
be a man. I just want to be a man when
I’m little. Can you stop me growing up?”
--Jacob
“Gabe,
I don’t have five hands! I only have one han—two
hands!”
--Mommy
Mommy: “Let me clean your hand.”
Gabriel: “I was washing it with my tongue!”
Mommy: “Can you put this [vanilla] in the cupboard
on the top shelf?”
Gabriel: “No, no, I can’t. My hands are too tiny. But if I had Mickey Mouse hands…”
Mommy
(to Gabe, who’s sucking his thumb): “Are
you growing some new teeth?”
Gabriel: “Uh-huh.
I’m making it grow.”
“I
want a new voice to speak English like Peter Pan.”
--Jacob
“Don’t
talk any words!”
--Mommy
“Gabriel,
did your bones break? Sometimes mine
break. Sometimes the glue that sticks to
them—the yucky glue—comes off.”
--Jacob
“Mommy,
will it be cool if I wake up and have big hands?”
--Gabriel
“Look,
Mommy! I have feet nails!”
--Gabriel
“I
look like somebody else!”
--Jacob
after a haircut
“I
don’t think Dad heard the noise from my voice.”
--Jacob
Mommy: “Do you want a bite?”
Gabriel: “No.
It will give me long eyes. I’ll
get big eyes if I take a bite. I don’t
want big eyes.”
“You’re
squishing my face off!”
--Gabriel
to Mommy who’s washing his face
Gabriel: “Can you help me eat?”
Mommy: “No, I’m helping Jarod eat. I’m not an octopus. I don’t have eight arms.”
Gabriel: “Yes you do.
You have eight arms!”
“I
didn’t know how to think, because my thinking was already out of me.”
--Jacob
“It’s unusual how good-looking I am!”
--Spencer
Daddy:
“Ouch! Don’t hit my Adam’s
Apple!”
Jacob:
“Apple?”
“Ouch!
My noise hurt my ears!”
--Spencer
“I’ve got a lot of crazy in my genes!”
--Kimberly
Gabriel
(pointing to the back of Jacob’s hair):
“There’s a tormado right there!”
“I didn’t hear your answer. Sometimes people’s ears have tiny, tiny
holes.”
--Jacob
“Some
soap got into my eyes. But that’s
okay. My eyes smell good.”
--Jacob
