The Trouble with Cats

My cats have been driving me CRAZY for...well, let's face it...forever. I used to adore cats, but since becoming a mother, they're nothing but a nuisance. Since my time for writing is short (I'm sure the baby will wake any minute--he always does when inspiration strikes), I'll just make a list why my view on cats has changed.
1. They jump up on the counter like over-sized rats, searching for crumbs to eat.
2. They prefer a dripping faucet over a bowl of fresh water.
3. They refuse to eat the tuna fish I lovingly give them, but eat my cereal if I happen to step away from the breakfast table for one minute.
4. They think baby items (crib, car seat, swing, floor blanket, etc.) were custom made for THEM.
5. No matter what I have to do, a cat is ALWAYS in my way. If I'm changing a diaper, a cat is sound asleep on the changing table. If I put the baby to sleep in the cradle, I have to move the cat. If I climb into bed to go to sleep, there's a cat sleeping where my feet should be.
6. If I try to kick the cat off the bed, she gets up, stretches, and lays back down right where she was before.
7. Cats are self-centered. If I'm watching a movie and I get up to get a drink, the cat thinks I just warmed that spot on the sofa just for her.
8. When you don't want them, that's when they decide you're better than catnip.
9. When you call for them, they just look at you. Nobody tells THEM what to do.
10. They scratch the sofa.
11. They scratch the carpet.
12. They scratch at an empty diaper box that's sitting in the hallway at midnight.
13. They pee on the bathroom floor.
14. They pee in the bathtub.
15. They don't play with the toys you buy them, and play with your shoelace as you're trying to get ready to go.
16. They rub against me when I'm exercising and sweaty...and don't even seem to care.
17. They refuse to eat from their dish unless it is all the way full.
18. When one cat goes out, the other one runs in. Then when that one goes out, the other comes in.
19. If both cats are inside, only one cat must go out at a time. As soon as you let one out and begin to walk away, that's when it's time for the next one to go out. It's a cat code, I swear.
20. Cats always want to come in or go out when I'm watching a movie.
21. They climb the screen door instead of meowing at the door.
22. Their meow can sometimes break the sound barrier.
23. They paw at huge spiders...then let them get away...inside!
24. They paw at mice...then let them get away...inside!!!
25. They race between your feet, trying to trip you.
26. They sense which direction you're headed, then decide to lay down right in your path.
27. If it's muddy outside, there WILL be muddy paw prints ALL over the bathroom...and on your white sheets...and your dry-cleaning-only comforter.
28. If it's too cold and they're waiting to go outside, if you open the door, they will only partially go outside. If you try to nudge them outside, they will back up inside. Process will be repeated several times.
29. If you're in a hurry for a cat to go outside, they will only go partially out, defiantly keeping their tail inside.
30. If you let them lick your toes, you WILL get bitten.
31. If your bed is by a window, they will sit on your pillow while you try to sleep, and swish their tail in your face as they look outside.

There is no doubt about it. Cats are annoying!